I have resentment towards my sister?

24/10/2010 admin 6 comments

Here is the situation. I am 30 she is 34. I reside with my parents for the time being to help them out. My parents recently got custody of my nephew after having him for 3 years. My sister is a recovering drug addict and she is also bi-polar. I am very proud that she is clean and sober now but at the same time I am angry that she has put my parents through the hell emotionally every other way possible and that she still acts as if they are supposed to take care of her and pay her bills. She can’t live with them due to the custody situation but when she comes to visit, she acts as if something is owed to her. For example me and my mom did all the cooking thanksgiving all she did was sleep and fuss. When asked to do the dishes she refused. That is nothing big deal really but it makes me feel like she still expects a free ride and makes me angry at my parents becuase I feel as if they are allowing her to be like this.
She does not appreciate the fact that we are rasing her son. She is yelling or fussing about something to where it is not easy or enjoyable to be around her. I am the type of person I speak my mind. I knwo I can’t change my parents or my sister but how can I let go of all of this and make this Christmas more ejoyable to all us. More so for the kids. Thanks so much.
I want to make a few things clear. First of all. I DO help rasie my nephew. I get him off to school and home and do his homework so my parents can work and not have to pay daycare. Second of all I DO understand she has a mental illness and that it affects alot but at the same time she needs to be held accountable for her actions. She DOES have self control. She shows that when she is living at the recovery house. I understand bi-polar and I do support her but at the sametime she can’t act any way she wants and get by with it. You have to draw the line somewhere.

SON'S DRUG ABUSE QUESTIONS resentment, sister, towards

Comments

Written by Been There~Done That! about 2 years ago.

Limit her visitations to that of the children and be done with it. More than likely she does feel exactly as you say, put upon and needy. She was enabled to be the way she was for so long she is remaining comfortable with it.

Tear the rug out from under her and let her know what is expected of her when she is in your parents home. Nothing less will do.

Tell her if she can not conform to those needs then her visitations will be with the children and nothing else.

But chances are dear your mother and father bend to her needs and enable her to be this way. Which puts you in a loosing battle.

Bi-polar or not, recovering or not, she has more control than you think she does or your parents. A lot of people use their disease and recovery to take advantage of others and continue their selfish ways.
Written by Stephanie about 2 years ago.

You have to realize that your sister has a mental illness that could be the fact she’s acting the way she does. Bipolar disorder does not only affect your change in moods, but also your actions. Many of them are more self-absorbed (not ALL, but many of the ones I have met) and think more about themselves than other people around them. Instead of having a resentment towards her, try to help her out. Realize that she has a mental illness and that could be the fact that she acts this way.
Written by Hedda Lettuce about 2 years ago.

You already stated that your sister is bi-polar, so with that maybe she has an emotional disorder as well.

And she make look at it that you guys are raising her son, so when she visits she’s just an aunt type figure, and a guest in the family home, so why should she help around there with anything?
Written by Dina K about 2 years ago.

Your sister has a mental illness which has caused her drug abuse as well.

You can START by appreciating and understanding that your sister can’t and could not help her situation. If your sister was born retarded – then you wouldn’t hold any resentment toward her. Unfortunately, although bi-polar disorder can be just as disabling – you see your sister’s problems as being HER FAULT when her problems are due to her mental illness.

This is why your parents are more lenient with your sister – because they understand she HAS A REAL ILLNESS – A SERIOUS ILLNESS that your sister can’t help.

So, in order to make Christmas better – be ACCEPTING and DO NOT GET ANGRY if your sister sleeps and fusses. Just do your own thing and ston’ start any fights.

Your parents are raising their grandson – not you. Don’t forget this. You parents have custody and not you – so you should NEVER tell your nephew that you are raising him or that you are his mommy. Your nephew will someday thank all of you for helping him out b/c his mom was disabled. Don’t EVER say anything bad about his mom to him or in front of him. He WILL REMEMBER if you badmouth his mom and that is also a form of child abuse.
Written by morgan about 2 years ago.

It is common for parents to baby the child who needs it most. They feel responsible for the way she turned out and want her to have a normal life. It is also normal to feel resentment in your situation…you are being taken for granted and advantage of. I would help your sister if you can but more than that I would help myself by leaving the home and living apart from this disfunctional unit. Sad but true your sister will probably not change much and neither will your parents but you are the master of your own destiny. Picture the life you want, the family you want and invest your energy in realizing a dream you can actually have.
Written by Marina about 2 years ago.

In a nutshell,

– Your sister may be sober now, but she is still extremely sick psychologically. There’s no way she’s going to be as “good” at her parents’ house as she is at her halfway house. Lower your expectations to rock-bottom.

– Your parents are not going to ask your sister to behave better, because they’re grateful she’s behaving this well. And they’re afraid of driving her to worse behavior.

– It would be optimal if you got out of that house and lived in your own place. You can still go over there and help with the nephew. But living there is going to suck the life out of you.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

I have resentment towards my sister?

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