me and my partner of 3 years have moved to australia and are loving it,we are going to spend christmas in newzealand with his family and i am totally dreading it,all they do is drink!! day and night,they can sumtimes last fr up to 3 days in a row,i dont mind having a drink one or 2 nights im there but am not into big drinking binges.we are going for two weeks,i no that if i say no they are going to think im a snob and will outright talk about me (i no they dont like me anyway for taking their son away from them) i dont have any family there that i can go to and i do not have enough money to stay sumshere else which i wouldnt do anyway coz i know theyd think i was being a huge snob. what do i do??i cant talk to my partner about this because hes just going to love the drinking!! HELP,Please awnswetr seriously as if you were in my posistion
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Written by espressoaddict22 about 2 years ago.
Simple do only what makes you feel comfortable. you and your partner tell stories about your travels and how much fun your having. Don’t let them ruin your time with your signif. Remember that it is most important that you encourage your partner to visit his family during this two weeks. It is really important for him and it will change his families conceptions of you.
Good Luck and Merry Christmas!!
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Written by Kat about 2 years ago.
I understand how uncomfortable that this can make you. Maybe you could go for a day or two. I would explain to my partner how uncomfortable it makes you and maybe he would have a suggestion on what you might do to occupy your time while he is taking part in the festivities.
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Written by labs about 2 years ago.
i don’t wanna go with my inlaws also, but i have too.. it is a sign of respect for ur partner.
let them do what they want to do and just keep urself busy once ur there.. look for someone whom you can ask to go places.. or better bring coomonfriends with you so u can have someone to beside you. -
Written by accebeR about 2 years ago.
Honestly … if your partner really cares about you and is considerate of your feelings, they would find some way of compromising so you can spend a day with the inlaws and a day or so together, then back to the inlaws to visit some more.
Regardless of how much your partner will enjoy the drinking, you need to tell them that you’re uncomfortable with it. If they care at all, you’ll come up with something that will make you both happy. -
Written by Cookie about 2 years ago.
You really need to talk to your partner. If he doesnt understand now…….he never will. Will this end up being a regular event?
Have you got a job? Tell him you can’t get annual leave maybe?? Good luck
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Written by flchica28 about 2 years ago.
you have to do what is going to make you happy and it sounds like going isn’t it. you need to think if you want this relationship for the long haul. if so you have to be able to get along with his family and coexist.
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Written by nova about 2 years ago.
well, this is one thing about marriage. you do not marry the person only, you marry the whole family. be openminded about it. it’s only for three days,mingle and have fun. this will make your husband happy, he’ll love you more if you do. if it is your turn to visit your own family,he’ll gladly do the same. give and take,dearie,that’a one game we have to play to make marriage lasts!
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Written by heart o' gold about 2 years ago.
Inlaws…sigh…it’s probably no comfort to tell you that most people have inlaw problems.
You do need to support your partner’s relationship with his family and there probably is not a graceful way to not go short of real disaster
You can’t change them and you can’t change their relationship with him. You have control only over your reactions and what you permit yourself to be exposed to. Try putting together a strategy for things that will get you out of the environment that makes you uncomfortable. Research the area and find things you’d like to see during the day. There may be nice places to walk or hike around their home, you can make this a daily activity during your stay. Maybe you can go window shopping or to shows or events during the days. Tell them you want to explore the area and see how beautiful everything is. Drinking tends to get heavier at night, so bring some really great books and in the evenings when the drinking really gets going plead headache or tired from climate change or whatever it takes to get out of the immediate environment. This can be done nicely and it’s reasonble that the climate change might stress your system. Be sure to attend all functions that are important to the family during your stay (I would say this does not include shot contests), have impeccable manners, clean up after yourself and your partner, be as helpful as possible and try to be as good a guest as you can. If they think you’re a snob for not wanting to get slobbering drunk there’s not much you can do about it. And by the time they get slobbering drunk hopefully they won’t even realize you aren’t present. It probably won’t be as bad as you think. Good luck!
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