Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they wake up. I’m not suggesting you just let him spiral downward, but a lot of times the mere fact that people are telling someone not to do something is more encouragement to do it. Not out of a sense of rebellion, but out of a sense of independence.

A lot of people feel like THEY need to be the ones to fix the problem, not someone else. Obviously I can’t opine on the specifics of your son, but a lot of people just need to come to the reality on their own. The best thing you can sometimes do is be supportive when they need it.

Please, please try a group called al-anon. It will save your life. You can not change your son, but you can change the way you react to him….. please try al-anon

Maybe what he needs is not rehab but a psychiatric hospital for the specific treatment of the bi-polar disorder. And who diagnosed him?? Are you sure that he’s bi-polar and not schizophrenic?? He may have to go into a psychiatric hospital to be diagnosed and placed on the correct medication so that it can help him. He’s probably self medicating and until he gets the help that he needs IN patient not OUT he won’t stop. You might have to try and talk him into going in voluntarily as it does not sound like he’s a immediate danger to himself or others which would allow an involuntary admission. But it sounds like he’s only being treated for the addiction with out treating the whole problem, You need to find either a hospital or psychiatrist not a psychologist who’s’ familiar with dual diagnosis’s.. That’s what it sounds like he needs and until you or a doctor gets it for him he’ll always be looking for ways to make himself feel better.

Obviously, this is a tough one. The fact that you would discuss such a personal problem in this forum further confirms that.

I believe the solution is as you said, let him self destruct. From your comments, it’s clear that he will likely do it anyway, the only question is whether or not he takes you down with him. I understand you love him, but a 30 year old has already been raised, for better or for worse. His choices and the accompanying responsibility for them are his now.

When you step away, he will eventually have to make a decision as to what he wants to do with HIS life. Your coddling [though well-intentioned] serves only to postpone that defining moment.

Sounds like you did it all.
God bless you for putting up with it and helping him as much as you have.
I guess it is time to pray, He will listen, unlike your son.
All we can do is raise our kids the best we know how and what they do with their life from there is up to them.