My 22 year old son refuses to work,he lies to me and says he is and when I find out the truth then he asks me for food and money, he messes with drugs and alcohol, he lies constantly. We have had him in several rehabs and counseling,it only lasts so long and he is right back where he started I dont know what to do anymore, this is breaking my heart,HELP
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Written by dbzgalaxy about 1 year ago.
Try to build up his confidence by giving him jobs IN your home. Hopefully he just needs to learn that HE MATTERS and that he is NOT worthless… Once depression sets in (assuming due to drug/alcohol use) it is hard to get back on track and contribute in life…
Many people will say “cut him loose”… but I do NOT think THEY have kids. -
Written by SimplyGorgeous. about 1 year ago.
Well try to sit down and talk to him.Maybe, OR hopefully
he’ll listen…HOPE THIS HELPS!
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Written by Vivi A about 1 year ago.
When you give him money make it a lone or an IOU because they will never learn it you just hand them money. If he lives under your house make him pay rent and if he refuses kick him out. remember he is an adult no a child. if he doesn’t have the money give him a lone. Tell him how you feel. make sure he has a job. if he tells you he dose then ask him where then call his work every now in then and keep in touch.
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Written by jalen 7 about 1 year ago.
mm, I know what you’re feeling, But rehabs not going to help him. Counseling is not going to help him. He is at a point where only Jesus can help him. If he is addicted to drugs and alcohol, it’s causing him to slow down his ambition in life and to lose focus of what’s important. The only one who can empower him right now and free him from his addiction to drugs and alcohol is Jesus. His body and mind are over-powering his will. Your son may want to do better but he is too weak because his body and mind won’t let him get rid of his addictions. He may very well want better for his life, but he doesn’t have the power to stand on his own two feet right now, and he is very miserable on the inside. He needs Jesus to free him from his addiction and change him on the inside, and free him from sin, but until he lets Jesus in his life, he will never be able to break free from the chains of sin. You don’t have to believe me but it’s the absolute truth because my mom had the same condition and Jesus has fixed her up so much and she has a new light about her.
God bless, I’ll keep your son in my prayers. =)
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Written by lksproodle51 about 1 year ago.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink> You have done all that anyone could do and then some I’m sure. NEVER give him money you can feed him but NO MONEY There is nothing else yo can do HE has to do the right thing and you have to let him hit rock bottom and seek help on his own.Do not give him help with living no place to live or steal from you to get what he needs TOUGH LOVE is the only way. have you tried http://www.alanon.org.za/ they can guide you in everything you need to know. Good Luck
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Written by Tramu about 1 year ago.
Sounds like your son has to hit rock bottom.
It’s heartbreaking. I dated a con artist for a year. My parents could see right through him but I could not. They kept telling me he wasn’t good for me etc etc but that just made me stop talking to them.
So they stopped trying to interfere and let me make my own mistakes. After a year he had taken all my tuition money, racked up my credit cards and impregnated another woman. It became pretty clear pretty fast. They refused to pay my tuition so I had to pick myself up by my bootstraps and move on. But I did it.
It sounds like you have to watch your son make some terrible mistakes before he can try to help himself.
Encouragingly, my husband used to be mixed up in all that and one day he just realized the drugs were running his life and not giving him much enjoyment anymore and he just stopped. Worst he does now is drink too much at Christmastime!
I’m so sorry. I have a son too; it must be terrible.
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Written by rockdog@y7mail.com about 1 year ago.
Such a hard thing work through. While you keep bailing him out he will keep playing the same cards. Hard part is as a mum you want to always be there for them and in some cases kids know they can milk this and this is what you son is doing.
Hard part is that you have to say no to $$$ and only give him help by referring him to people and being there to listen and offer soke of that motherly love.
Otherwise he will keep on with his current lifestyle. My step son was the same until I was able to get the message to my partner that she had to learn to say no. We broke up twice before she finally realised I was right and she needed to say no and distance herself from his problems and needs
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Written by SF Giants Gal about 1 year ago.
hun i know it’s breaking your heart but he has to come around when he’s ready. u can only help those who want help. remind him though how it hurts u. I think he lies because he’s ashamed to tell you the truth. tell him he can talk to you. U’ll b in my prayers. Good luck!
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Written by cutie07 about 1 year ago.
First let me say I ca-mend you on being there for your son. Because most parents I know would have kicked their kid to the curb. Just try to encourage him to keep trying to look for work and that you are there for support and you will try to help him as much as you can but at some time in life he will need to stand up and be a man. But most importantly let him know that if he has the time to get alcohol and drugs that he can get up and look for work. And just set rules for your house and if he doesn’t like them or won’t abide by them that he will have to leave. Because at that age if he’s not in school or at least looking for work he won’t ever be anything if you baby him all his life and continue to take care of him. I should know because I have a thirty year old cousin who still lives with his mother and now has a one year son and hasn’t worked in thirty years his mother has been taking care of him.
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Written by spanxalot420 about 1 year ago.
Stop giving him money. You know he’s using it to buy drugs. Tell him you love him, and want to HELP him, but that will no longer include buying him food, and giving him cash (grocery items believe it or not CAN be traded to drugs in these times). Open your home for him to come back to, and explain that the only way you can help, is if he lets you. That the help will include a place to live, food on the table when he’s hungry, and transportation to and from Drug Counseling. That once he has been clean, and held a job for 6 months to a year, then maybe he can make the transition to living out on his own.
It’s harsh, I know.. but by controlling the money flow.. you’ll know he isn’t using it to kill himself with it. By having him back home, you’ll know where he is. That he is ok.May I also suggest that besides the Drug Counseling, you get him into some AA, and NA meetings. He needs to be getting help outside of help. Also, it wouldn’t hurt for you to attend these meetings as well, for a bit more support in dealing with the stresses that substance abuse has caused your family.
Good Luck, and may God be with you and your son.
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Written by cherryp572000 about 1 year ago.
So you got to cut him off.Don’t give him NOTHING.All that is doing is enabling him.Let him go,put him in the hands of the lord.And let it go from there.It’s nothing you could do to help him.He got to want help.Because you want him to stop drinking and drugging,he got to stop on his own.So ask God for help for your son.And that’s all you can do.He’s the one that got to choose,Hell or Jail.I know where you coming from.Been there done that.All I could do was pray for my child.
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