How can I explain to my son that I don’t want him going to his dad’s because he’s a bad influence?
My son is 13 and his dad has never had an interest in him until here recently. The only reason he is showing interest now is because my son is old enough to sit down and play video games with him. That is exactly what his dad said to me when I asked. His dad is a total loser. He is an alcoholic. He is 30 and lives at home with his parents. His parents are pill heads and neither work. They sit at home on disability and pop pills all day and night and eat. They baby my son’s dad like he’s 2 again. I also have a child who is mixed (black and white) and when my son goes to his dad’s house, his dad teaches him racial slurs to use against my other son without saying the “n” word. I have tried explaining to my son what these words mean and he refuses to understand that and thinks it’s funny. His dad doesn’t work and sits and drinks beer and pops pills that his parents give him when they have extra ones. I am so fed up and don’t know what to do. There is no divorce (we were never married) decree saying that he has visitation rights. He has no rights. He pays child support when he gets his unemployment or when he actually works. He never does anything for my son. No Xmas, no birthday presents..nothing. My son only wants to go over there to play games on his dad’s computer. He throws it in my face when I tell him no he can’t go over there that he wants to see his daddy. His dad also has been trying to talk him into coming to live with him once he’s 14 so that he can claim him on taxes. His dad is a selfish convicted felon who only wants to stir up trouble for me. He should be ashamed b/c he’s never been there and I’ve raised our son all by myself and he only wants money. He complains about having to pay child support and has been to jail several times for not paying. He says I ruined his life by having our son and I am the root of all his problems. He bad mouths me to our son when he’s there. I don’t know what to do. His family is very vindictive and when I don’t let him come over they try and cause trouble for me. His dad’s mom has even went as far to call Family Children Services on me and lie. The case was dismissed b/c it wasn’t validated and was proven to be false. I don’t know what to do. It’s always a big fight with my son and I. I have tried talking to his dad about all this, but he just laughs and doesn’t see that it matters. What should I do??? I also might add that I have asked his dad to just come to my house and visit with our son, so that I know none of this stuff is going on when I’m not around..of course he refuses to do that.
Lish Lee..you are wrong. NO judge would put my son in his dad’s home. His dad is an active alcoholic and drug addict. He is an open racist who is teaching my son to hate his brother b/c he’s half black. So all of you saying I should let my son make up his own mind and let him go…are you insane? Hell no.
His dad DOES drink around him and is teaching him horrible things to say to his mixed brother! One time when his dad brought him home, he came into the house and I smelled beer on him…He had been drinking and actually drove my son home! So you guys really think I should let my kid go around this? His dad is too immature to see that this is wrong and doesn’t care and doesn’t stop doing the things I’ve asked when he’s around my son.
His dad does not have any rights. I have at least found that out with a lawyer. My son is NOT legitimized. If he were, then his dad could possibly get visitation, but as it is now, he can’t.
I don’t understand why people always say that just b/c he’s the dad means he automatically has rights to see him. That is not true. I am 100% the Custodial parent. No questions asked. Unless his father takes me to court and legally legitimizes him and asks for visitation, then he has no say. Which he doesn’t have the money to do that, he spends it on video games and beer and pot.
mrs cook: understand this…I was young and stupid when I dated his dad. I didn’t know he was gonna turn out like this. Don’t you think if I knew that I wouldn’t have dated him? You’re an idiot and you have no right answering my question. I have 2 kids and am not ever having anymore. I love them more than life. But I did make a stupid decision when I dated their dads. But that is something that is in my past and I am raising my kids to be good upstanding citizens with the respect for women that their sorry dad’s didn’t have. So shut your mouth and go away.
Hey grave 4 whatever you name is…Have you not read what I wrote? His father IS a danger to him. And no, a judge has not decided that his dad has the right to visit him. But through the state it has been decided that the Least he could do is help out a little financially since he ran off and left and didn’t want to have anything to do with my son.
Edit: Choice 4….not “grave”…let me tell you something…This loser father was only ordered to pay $25 a week in child support because he switches from job to job to avoid paying it. He doesn’t have any money. So how can I just want money from him? You’re an idiot. I gave him every opportunity to be his dad, and he didn’t want to be. Told me he didn’t love him and didn’t want to be his dad. so why don’t you kiss off? Now that he’s showing interest, he’s a damn drug addict!
Choice 4 again…He’s not paying me anything right now, so I can’t give him back what he’s not paying. I don’t have anything to do with his dad. I don’t talk to him. I have done so much for him in the past to try and help him get ahead. When he was homeless, I let him live with me. When he was hungry, I fed him. I have done everything that is humanly possible to help this man be a good person and have bent over backwards to have a decent relationship with him. He doesn’t care. I will not befriend him anymore. Enough is enough. He has problems he needs to attend to before trying to be a role model for our son. My son does know he’s a drunk. My son does know what drug addicts his dad and grandparents are, but he likes going there b/c they let him get away with murder and feed him bacon by the pound. I have tried to remedy this situation by talking with all of them. They are in another dimension. And nothing sinks through their redneck skulls.
OH…did I forget to add that he had 2 more children after I had my son and he doesn’t have anything to do with them either. Yeah. I keep in touch with the other kids mom and am friends with them so our children can know each other. Not the doings of his dad.