it took you three years, and i guess, at least emotionally, your wife has moved on…. i’m not sure why you think her weight has anything to do with this… sorry, most alcoholics lose jobs, spouses, money, ect.

Why do you want an Obese wife?, let her go and get a new young skinny wife.

I think that the important thing is that you acknowledge that you have an issue to work through. I am glad you decided to get help. Do make your best effort, because it’s no fun to be married to someone who is an addict. No matter what your wife decides you need to quit alcohol for your own good. It’s a pity she does not want counselling, but still it will be good for you and your son. Perhaps, she will come around later if she sees that you don’t just “talk the talk”, but “walk the walk”. Good luck!

Now if she will not go for counseling, then you need to go, for yourself, that is a start. Now once she sees that you are working on your problem, then may be the two of you can work on your marital issues. Tell your wife, that you love her, and that you are going to go to counseling to save your marriage. I hope everything works out for you!

I think both are serious problems that could be easily taken care of.
Do not even mention that she is overweight, that is not the problem here, though it may seem so to you.
The best way to save this marriage is to admit your own problems and tell her you are sorry that you have caused pain.
Tell her you love and adore her just the way she is, and if you have said anything to offend her, Sir, best apologize.
Focus on your own self and how to improve, do not bring your spouses problems up, it looks like you are trying to make yourself look good, or that your problem is not as huge as hers…( no pun intended)
She will love you much for it, and may get help herself, when she is ready.
Now, alcohol is a whole ‘nother story, your brain changes when you drink, and it affects all around you.
That is what should be the focus right now.

Well I’m no expert but if your wife isn’t committed to solving your marriage problems then you can’t go far, marriage is a two way street she should take responsibility and except that not all of your problems stems from your alcoholism. If She realises this then seeking counseling would be the way to go. Also she should seek help for her weight, there must some issues that cause her to be this way and she should sort them out. Its great your seeking help for your problem she should do the same. Hoped this helped and good luck!

Congratulations , the main step every day is not drinking anymore. While you are in recovery see if your wife would accept help from al-anon. You can’t force her to grow w/ you ,however take charge of some parenting , get your son involved in something w/you, and grow w/ him . Remember “one day at a time “. The serenity prayer may help also………………..

Unfortunately, it sounds like she wants out of the marriage and is using your alcohlism as the excuse. Its the easiest excuse at hand to grab so shes got hold and wont let go. It sounds like she has already made up her mind thats she wants out and thats why she wont go to counseling. Counseling wont work all the time especially if one does not want the same result as the other. Youre in a one sided relationship that is probably doomed. She can obtain a divorce with or without your signature so its time to prepare to move on here without her. You will always be your sons father and therefor an important figure in his life forever so dont lose sight of that. Good luck

Your wife can lose weight, but fighting a alcoholic addiction is very, very, very difficult. A recovering alcoholic stays a alcoholic for years to come. Alcoholic is a disease, but being fat is not.

Take the first step and move on to a program AA to wellness.

If you are attending 12 step meetings, it is likely that they tell you that your wife’s behavior and attitudes are out of your control (though you can affect someone else around you without a doubt… you cannot make decisions for them)…

It is unfortunate that many marriages break up after an alcoholic decides to get sober, but it is a sad truth that it occurs more than I’d like to admit I’ve seen.

What has to be your priority is getting yourself into a healthy condition — even if you *were* in a position to make her decision for her, it is unlikely that you could make *healthy* choices for her, since it is unlikely you are making many (or have made many) good decisions for yourself.

Also, many addictive-type people have a tendency to pair up with other people who will accept their addiction because of their own. It is probable, given your description of your wife’s condition, that she has her own addiction problems. If she wants to get help then she has a chance to get better – but just like i’m sure you know with your own alcoholism, you cannot *ever* force a person to become well and face their addiction. Just because you are beginning to see the veil of denial begin to lift from your own eyes doesn’t mean that your wife will have the same experience.

By letting her go, you might just save her life as well as your own.

What I just said reflects what I would consider to be a reasoned response without very much opinion.
My 2c –>
Seek treatment for yourself. If your wife decides to leave, you can’t stop her – and sometimes a break is good for a relationship that is meant to last in the long term. If you are truly dealing with your own problem, and things are meant to last, you will not see your marriage end over this. If it is not meant to last, (aka if your wife just doesn’t want to be with you) then it will not last, no matter what you do.
Do what you can for yourself first, then deal with your relationship. Relationships take a relatively short amount of time to totally destroy and a long time to mend. If you are willing to allow the mending to take place, there’s a chance it could work. If you push it, it’s almost guaranteed to fail.
Don’t get in your own way. Get help for yourself, you cannot save your wife if she doesn’t want saving.