How to tell my alcoholic dad not to come around?

06/02/2011 admin 10 comments

My father is an alcoholic, I am his adult daughter, who is married with 4 children ranging in age from 2 to 12. My mother divorced him due to his anger and alcohol problems. My mom lives with my husband and I and our kids.

My father comes over to visit me and my kids at our house several times a week usually unannounced and I am not feeling comfortable with these visits any longer, he has become almost abusive towards me and the kids on several of these visits and he only comes over when my husband is not home. On one occasion he grabbed my 4 year old son picked him up and shook him and screamed in his face, I was scared and asked him to stop but he would not stop but finally put him down. I am scared of him and do not know how to tell him that I no longer feel comfortable with him coming to our house. I am worried he will explode and become violent towards me, probably verbally but he could get physical too. I could write a note or maybe wait until my husband is home.

QUESTIONS ABOUT SON'S ALCOHOLISM alcoholic, around, come, tell

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Written by Cappy about 1 year ago.

Go to Alanon. They have all the tools you need in dealing with an active alcoholic.
Written by benitadoeshair about 1 year ago.

Call and tell him that it is no longer a good idea that either a) he comes over at all or b) he only comes over when your husband is home. I would go with a. I would also get a restraining order. You can’t put your kids in danger like that.
Written by Terri J about 1 year ago.

Get a backbone! This man abused your child! Go to the police station and file for a restraining order against him immediately.

Change the locks on the house and keep the house locked at all times. If he comes to the house, tell him if he doesn’t leave, you’ll call the police – then do so. You do not have to take one more moment of this man’s abuse. And, more importantly, your children don’t. ACT NOW!
Written by Conquistador about 1 year ago.

Dont tell him in person. And it doesnt matter how afraid you are of him because its your job to protect your children. Call him and tell him he isnt welcome anymore and tell him why. Then keep all your doors locked at all times.
The bottom line is he is already abusing your children and its just a matter of time before he causes serious harm. Shaking a child can cause brain damage. I would report this to the police because if you witnessed it you witnessed a crime. You should consider reporting that and getting a restraining order using that report. If he violates it he goes to jail.
Written by RICHARD R about 1 year ago.

I would ask your husband to talk to him and explain if he comes around again you will notify the police. Your kids should not have to deal with this guy, also you might want to look into a group for people that have alcoholic family to deal with it will help you with issues you deal with. Just because he is your father does not mean you need to take his abuse its time to brake the chain of a dissfunctional life.
Written by Kristen about 1 year ago.

Wait until your husband is home to tell him. If he comes over unannounced and your husband is not there then don’t let him in.
Written by kelly about 1 year ago.

either call him and tell him on the fone
tell ur husband to do it
or dont open the door for him
Written by bronzebabekentucky about 1 year ago.

get a restraining order
as far as i am concerned, he is a safety risk to you and your family
also do go to Al-Anon
Written by tinaturner about 1 year ago.

tell him he needs help and he is not welcome at your house unless your husband is there.
Written by deer_doe2005 about 1 year ago.

Alcoholics and drug addicts are very difficult to reason with, there is no point in telling them anything unless they are sober. If you could arrange to talk to your father when he is not drinking, this is the best time. Tell him how you feel and suggest he get help for his drinking.
After that tell him he is no longer welcome to visit you and your family unless he is sober. Then refuse to have conversations with him when he is drinking, just tell him to call you when he is sober,and do not let him into your home when he is drinking. This is a shame full disease and the mere fact that you call him on this is usually enough but he will test you over and over. Don’t have drinks in your home or allow him to bring his own, he needs to know you are serious!

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How to tell my alcoholic dad not to come around?

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