How to handle my ex who admits he recently cleaned himself up from meth, who’s been an absentee dad…?

08/11/2010 admin 8 comments

My ex didn’t come around for the past 6 months only to suddenly decide on my son’s 4th birthday that he wants to be involved again. We weren’t married so there’s no custody order or visitation set up through the courts. I filed for child support about 3 months ago after I hadn’t heard from him for a while. He still hasn’t been served the papers because he’s evading the guys who are trying to serve them.

He admitted that the reason he wasn’t coming around was because he got “mixed up with the mexican mafia” and things went bad. He says he’s been doing meth but that he’s not addicted and it’s just something he’s been doing to lift his spirits because he’s been depressed with where his life is at.

He says that he’s straightened things out with the mexican mafia and that he quit doing meth a couple weeks ago on his own. He has pending court charges for marijuana transport but says he’s getting off with a slap on the wrist because it’s his first offense. He’s also driving around with a suspended license due to unpaid fines. (He TELLS me all of this).

I offered to meet him at a park and have him hang out with our son there for an hour while I read a book in the car, since I know my son has been very hurt by his absence and has wanted to see him. Well, when we were leaving the park a creepy big gang-banger ex-con looking guy walked up to my ex and was obviously on drugs (meth) and was asking for his number and rude to my ex and acted like my ex should be afraid of him.

Now my ex is texting asking when he can see our son again. I am at a loss. I don’t know this man anymore and he’s gone so far downhill it’s scary. I don’t want to deny my son SAFE access to his father, but I don’t want to deal with my ex on a regular basis and listen to the sob story he tells to make his bad choices okay.

I wonder if he’s even clean at this point and how I should handle the situation… for my son’s sake.

DRUG REHABILITATION absentee, admits, been, cleaned, dad..., from, handle, himself, meth, recently, who's

Comments

Written by Sean about 2 years ago.

It is physically IMPOSSIBLE to be a regular user of meth and not be an addict. There is only a 10 percent chance that after one use you won’t become addicted.

You seem like its not an “I still love my husband but I can’t trust him” kinda thing, so I don’t feel bad saying this.

I would say for the child’s safety, assume this pathetic excuse for a man is still and addict. But for the child’s sanity, do everything in your power to get them together in a safe, mom moderated encounter.
Written by Reoriented about 2 years ago.

I would not let an adult spend time with my child unless I knew him and could have a minimum level of trust. You do not know this guy. Arrange a meeting with him in a public place, meet him accompanied by someone and interview him. You should also have the marshall there to serve him the child support papers.

Only if he performs well in this interview should you allow him to meet you and your son in a public place for a short amount of time. Even this or any further contact should be permitted by you only if you are comfortable about it.
Written by KeikoHoshi about 2 years ago.

I’m not highly educated in the drug use, but I think I actually understand where he is coming from You and him, should sit down an discuss how often and how long he is allowed with his son. And as time goes on you can gradually allow more time, and then when you feel more trusting, allow him to watch your son one night while having a night out with your friends, because overall it can be exhausting worrying about your son and his father, but if you want to allow your son, but you’re just a little afraid, get a close neighbor and ask her to check in on them. And even if this is not best answer I wish you well!
Written by laugh_wid_mee about 2 years ago.

okay wow your ex is a real con artist lol. mexican mafia? if he owed them anything he would have been dead by now. and you would have gotten his body parts in coolers to your door step. dont let him be with your child unsupervised because he just admitted he was on meth. he could sell your child for crack and you cant do anything about it. dont trust this guy! and get a restraining order on this guy because it seems like he’s using your child as a security for other people to not hurt him when he’s with the kid. Don’t talk to him anymore. It’s better for your child to not have a dad like him! trust me!
Written by Kitty / Sunny about 2 years ago.

This is a resounding HELL NO!! There IS NO SAFE ACCESS to your son right now.

KEEP ALL THOSE TEXTS! PRINT THEM OUT! YOU WILL DEFINATELY NEED THESE TO KEEP YOUR SON SAFE! It is not going behind his back, it is keeping your boy safe. He does say he is getting better, so that won’t look so bad, but it will keep his access to your son restricted, which is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY AT THIS POINT!

Does he work? Find out where he works and have the child support papers sent there. Get a copy of them yourself, and send it to him in a package he has to sign for and document everything. You can still have a domestic relations child support hearing with or without him. I would specifically go for full custody, as well. THIS MAN COULD BE DANGEROUS FOR YOUR CHILD AND YOURSELF!!! I mean the MAFIA? C’MON HERE! NOT GOOD AT AAALL!!! When you go to domestic relations, I suggest you go for full custody as well. When you go for custody, explain everything, and I mean EVERYTHING for the sake of your child, even that he has said he has cleaned up. They can provide safe access by doing monitored visitation with him and your son in a safe place. I am not saying not to give this man a chance… EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE. Just make sure you do it SAFELY FOR YOUR CHILD.

YOU DEFINATELY NEED TO GO FOR FULL CUSTODY IMMEDIATELY. If there is no custody set up at all, you may both have equal custody. I have seen this happen before where a mother took her child to the babysitters, and the father went and picked the child up and wouldnt give him back. this was legal since there was no custody agreement, he WAS the baby’s father, on his birth certificate and everything. You want to take care of this right away so that never happens. Any man who wants to see his child should also be helping to support them financially. I dont care how little he has, you may have little as well, and there is aaaaalways somewhere to find a little bit to go towards your child.

Tell him to meet you somewhere that you have things to tell him, and have the sheriff or whatever person has the papers to be there with you to serve him. In case he doesnt want to talk or gets mad, have a letter written with the papers to explain to him how you are feeling. This might piss him off, idk if he is violent or vindictive. if he tells you that he is somewhere you could use this, too , to have him served. do you know where he lives? have him served there. My friend had domestic relations papers sent to where we live, and he missed the hearing, but they went right on without him there. However you have him served, make sure you serve him. He needs to be held responsible for helping with the financial burden of this boy.

In this letter you write, (cause he may not give you a chance to say this all or say it the way you want to ) Tell him you are willing to give him a second chance… but only with seeing his son, not with you (for reaal, you dont need any of this shit, even if he has cleaned up, it will only bring you suffering) Tell him you definately need help with money for the boy, he needs things. Tell him you are having a hard time doing it all by yourself, and if he loves his son enough to want to see him, he should love him enough to make sure he also has what he needs, as well. Tell him you will give him a chance to know his son, but only on your terms, and only if he keeps his nose clean. Tell him about the supervised visitation. Tell him that it goes in stages, and that if someday he proves that he is clean and fit, that eventually he will get visitation.

Tell him you want him in your son’s life, not in and out and in and out. Tell him to get in and stay in or get out and stay out. Tell him you are in full support of his changes, and you are happy about them. Tell him to keep up the good work, that you are proud of him. (everyone needs a little reassurance when they are trying to change their lives). Tell him that you are only interested in helping him have a good, safe, meaningful relationship with your son, but that you no longer want to have a relationship with him at all, except to discuss your son. Tell him that will NOT change, and that you will NOT have any conversations with him that do not deal with your son, get this out in the open right away, and mean it, or you will be stuck listening to him for the rest of your life. Tell him you will support him seeing your son, the way you explained, and only done through the proper channels (domestic relations). They are pretty good at deciding when someone is fit for unsupervised visitations, tell him it may not take very long at all, you are not sure, it us up to him and his behavior.

Tell him that if he goes through domestic relations with you, he is financially supporting his child, you will also tell the courts that you are in favor of supervised visitation at first until he is ready for unsupervised visits. Make sure that you FULLY
Written by Iron_Plague about 2 years ago.

If you are even considering letting him near your son, then you need to have your child taken away from you!!!
Written by Miss 6 about 2 years ago.

Guys do this when they want out. They use their kids as a symbol to the other people that they have other responsibilities. Also they are less likely to do any harm to him with his son there. I would deal with my ex with a long handled spoon.
If you hadn’t demanded child support from him then he would have no say in your life, but since you did you’re gonna have to deal with him.
If you’re going to continue to let him see his son, then pick another public place like a McDonald’s or some other kid friendly place like the zoo.
Written by BikerChick about 2 years ago.

DIDN’T YOU GET ENOUGH PEOPLE TELLING YOU THE EXACT SAME TRUTH THE LAST TIME YOU ASKED THIS QUESTION??

NOBODY with any amount of intelligence is going to tell you to waste any more time or emotion on this man. Part of you sounds very smart, the other part (the emotional attachment) makes you look completely naive and unwilling to accept the truth.

75% of the answers you got the last time said DO NOT get involved again. Do you need to have your door blasted in and your life put on the line in order to understand the word NO??

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

How to handle my ex who admits he recently cleaned himself up from meth, who’s been an absentee dad…?

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