How to handle my ex who admits he recently cleaned himself up from meth, who’s been an absentee dad…?

21/11/2010 admin 3 comments

My ex didn’t come around for the past 6 months only to suddenly decide on my son’s 4th birthday that he wants to be involved again. We weren’t married so there’s no custody order or visitation set up through the courts. I filed for child support about 3 months ago after I hadn’t heard from him for a while. He still hasn’t been served the papers because he’s evading the guys who are trying to serve them.

He admitted that the reason he wasn’t coming around was because he got “mixed up with the mexican mafia” and things went bad. He says he’s been doing meth but that he’s not addicted and it’s just something he’s been doing to lift his spirits because he’s been depressed with where his life is at.

He says that he’s straightened things out with the guys who were “after him” and that he quit doing meth a couple weeks ago on his own. He has pending court charges for marijuana transport but says he’s getting off with a slap on the wrist because it’s his first offense. He’s also driving around with a suspended license due to unpaid fines. (He TELLS me all of this).

I offered to meet him at a park and have him hang out with our son there for an hour while I read a book in the car, since I know my son has been very hurt by his absence and has wanted to see him. Well, when we were leaving the park a creepy big gang-banger ex-con looking guy walked up to my ex and was obviously on drugs and was asking for his number and was rude to my ex and acted like he should be afraid of him. This scared me!

Now my ex is texting asking when he can see our son again. I am at a loss. I don’t know this man anymore and he’s gone so far downhill it’s scary. I don’t want to deny my son SAFE access to his father, but I don’t want to deal with my ex on a regular basis and listen to the sob story he tells to make his bad choices okay.

If I did decide to go through the courts what is the likelihood that I could get supervised visitation for him and my son… so that I don’t have to deal with him? It would just be my word against his. Couldn’t he deny ever admitting this stuff to me and then the courts might grant him overnights or something??? Just scared and would like to know what I should expect as far as custody, visitation, etc if the courts knew his current situation.

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Written by slew about 2 years ago.

The question is , how did the scary gang banger type guy know where to find your husband. If you allow him to visit your son, you need to find a safe location. Make it known, that any of his old acssociate ever show up again, that would be the last time. Meet somewhere safer, like across a police station. DOn’t let your son out of your view for a second.

I on the other hand would move and change my number.
Written by pragmatism_rules about 2 years ago.

Don’t let your ex see your son again unless a judge orders you to! He is completely unreliable and if he gets any kind of visitation, it should be supervised only. Also, if your ex is a drug user/dealer, you can’t trust a single word that comes out of his mouth. You have no guarantee he has resolved his personal problems and my guess is that he has not. And as for him getting off with a slap on the wrist, I highly doubt it.

You need to hire a lawyer and go to court. Ask for the paternity of your child to be determined and then ask for child support through the court system. And then when it comes to visitation, you need to let the judge know through your lawyer that your ex is an alleged meth user who is driving on a suspended driver’s license and is facing criminal charges for marijuana transport. Have your lawyer ask that if he is given any kind of visitation at all, it be in a visitation center and at your ex’s expense. Oh and make sure that your ex has random drug testing as a condition of visitation (I don’t think he is drug-free; instead I think he is just saying that so you will trust him)!

Now as for the serving of the papers for child support. Find out when he has to go to trial for his little drug problem and arrange to have the servers serve him there. I am sure his judge will be pleased to know that he is avoiding being served with an order to pay child support!

Now is this a case of your word against your ex, I don’t think so. I think that if the judge orders drug tests for both of you, the judge will find that your ex is positive for meth and you are not. And when your lawyer provides evidence that your ex is facing criminal drug charges, again that will bolster your case. But if I were you, I would not mention the Mexican mafia as that may not be true at all…just stick to what can be proven…his drug use and his court case! That should be enough to wreck his credibility!

Finally, I think you should arrange for someone you know to let the police know that your child’s father is driving with a suspended license. Just don’t it yourself as this way, you can say honestly that you didn’t do it! Good luck.
Written by Ruth S about 2 years ago.

Sorry Love, but this guy is BAD news, not only for himself, but for you too!!! Sooner or later, if you decide to let him be part of your child’s life, he will drag you down with him!!! First thing I would do, is change your phone number so he can’t text you, and I hope to God he doesn’t know where you live or work! You son will probably ask you why you don’t want his Dad to see him, but as young as he is, be honest with him and tell him his Dad has some very bad friends – good example, the meeting in the park! and you are afraid these bad people could harm you and him. It’s kind of hard to explain something like your EX owing money to these guys, and if they see you and the child physically communicating with him, there’s a possibility they COULD take you two as hostage until he comes up with the money! The Mexican Mafia have NO qualms about killing owmen and children!!!

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

How to handle my ex who admits he recently cleaned himself up from meth, who’s been an absentee dad…?

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