I am a stay at home mom of 4 kids. I don’t work and haven’t worked (except here and there for a couple months at a time) for 8 years. My husband is an alcoholic. He does go to work but other than that he thinks when his 40 hours at work is in he is done and doesn’t need to do anything else. I don’t expect him to clean the house or do the things that are my “job” but I do expect him to be a father to our children and play with them, take out the trash if he is here and it is full, mow the lawn, etc. He does mow the lawn but other than that everything is MY job. When he is home he drinks and plays on the computer. That is all. He knows this is a problem (I have voiced my opinion NUMEROUS times in a non-confrontational way) and he says he wants to stop but does nothing. How do I tell him he needs to get help and stop or I can’t keep raising children to see this? My son (4) already says he is going to drink lots of beer when he grows up like his dad. What do I say? Thanks
Both sets of parents know about the problem. His dad just says he needs to stop. My parents say I need to tell him to choose between 2 and 3 letters… AA or OUT. I don’t want a divorce and I wont do that… but seperating for the good of our children is better than them seeing him drunk everyday. Thanks again.
I have gone to AA meetings with him before and sat in couseling sessions with him. He just doesn’t seem to want to change for good. Does this mean it isnt worth saving??
We have an 8 year old daughter, 4 year old son, 2 year old daughter and 2 month old daughter (not all were planned…some even concieved while on birth control.) I do want help… I just don’t want to divorce. There are other options right?
We went to AA meetings.. He even earned his 30 day pin once. So he knows where to go for help… he just doesn’t think he has a big enough problem.
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Written by Chekota G about 10 months ago.
It isn’t worth saving, at the moment.
At the moment, what part of this would you want to save?
Most alcoholics have to hit rock bottom before they decide that “they want” to change.
It sounds like your husband hasn’t it rock bottom yet.
The problem is you don’t want him taking you down with him when he does hit.
So sometimes when you can’t change a situation it’s better to remove yourself from that situation.
Especially when you don’t want to expose your children to this.
And believe me, you don’t.I know, I was from an alocoholic family. Like I said “from”, not “in”.
The reason being, my father was an alcoholic. My Mother died after child-birth with me. She should have gone to the doctor while she was pregnant but didn’t because he drank all the money away.
My Father was the exact same way as your husband (except no computer, because back then we didn’t have them).
Well sad to say, even after my Mother died, my Father still didn’t stop drinking.
My Aunt and Uncle raised me from birth.
My Grandmother raised my 3 brothers. My Father lived with Grandma and my brothers. So they grew up with it. I did not.
All 3 of my brothers became alocoholics too. To this day none of them have anything because of how they drink. They’re all in their late 40′s. No wifes, no families, nothing. Because they drank it all away just like my Father.
I , on the other hand, never wanted anything to do with alcohol because I saw what it did to my family. Me being the baby of the family, have more than all 3 of my brothers combined.
My Aunt & Uncle were only going to take care of me until my Father got off the booze and back on his feet. That wasn’t until I was 19 years old.
So look at it this way…..his own family, his own children were not good enough reason for him to lay off the booze.
He didn’t stop drinking until he almost killed himself (literally) for the 2nd time. Even after the 1st time he didn’t stop. Doctors told him if he drank any more, it would kill him. He had to find out for himself.
So my Mother and brothers had to pay the price for “his” drinking.
And I thank God I didn’t, but that was only because I was removed from that situation.This isn’t something I talk about very openly, as you can see it can cause alot of hurt feelings along with anger.
But I hope you hearing my story, will open your eyes to what your children will go through.
It’s bad enough that “you” are going through it.
But you have a choice…you CAN get out.
Those poor kids do not have a choice.
You are their choice. And if they are left in this situation, no matter what you try to make up for…it won’t be enough. They will become like him. After all , all the kids, look up to their Mother and Father. And they will feel like if it were so bad why did Mom stick with Dad? So it must not be so bad. And the boys will want to become just like their Father.
Not a good situation for anyone.
Not you, not the kids, not your parents, and not even your hubby. Help him hit rock bottom by taking his family away from him. Hopefully he will care more about his kids then himself, and that will force him to get help.
But he will have to do it on his own.
Then you will go back to him.
AFTER he has gotten the help he needs.
Not just while he’s getting the help.Good luck to you.
And remember those kids are your 1st responsibility.
They don’t have a voice in this, so I hope I WAS THEIR VOICE.There’s nothing easy about being a single parent.
But there’s nothing easy about living this kind of life either.
Atleast there aren’t any long term affects from coming from a single parent
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