How do i help my 17 year old son after his girlfriend killed herself?

04/02/2011 admin 7 comments

My 17 year old son and his girlfriend had been going out for a good 4 years and a month ago she killed herself. My son has been a mess and has been blaming himself for it and he just sobs for hours on end. He is seeing a counselor but he has not been the same since her funeral. I have had to lock all the sharp objects away along with the alcohol in the house away. He was hospitalized about a week and a half after her funeral when i found my son passed out with alcohol poising. The counseling seems to be going ok i guess i am not really sure. I think he is getting better but then again i feel like he is just starting to be able to hide his pain from me and my husband and even his older sister. Which is strange because his sister and him are so very close together and he tells her everything but he wont even talk to her anymore. I want to help him but i feel so helpless. Advice?

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT after, girlfriend, Help, herself, killed, year

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Written by h_anne88 about 1 year ago.

i would say if you are hiding certain objects from him then he may need some more hospitalization. you just want to keep him safe. so while he is still under 18, have him admitted. this will ensure you that you have taken strong action. it may seem hard to do, but it would be for the better if it keeps your son here. i dont know if you all are religious but if not, now may be a good time to start. God has an amazing way of helping us through diffucult times. good luck and God bless you and your family. i will say a prayer for you.
Written by Sunshine about 1 year ago.

Im so sorry, what a difficult situation. I think that it is going to take him a very long time to come to grips with this (I don’t like saying get over because who can really ever get over something like that). Just let him know that you are there for him, try to do some family things, make sure he keeps seeing the counselor. I guess my answer doesn’t really help that much, just stick with it. Again, I am so very sorry for your family’s loss…I recently lost a BIL and I know how it can effect everyone. Best wishes.
Written by Cor about 1 year ago.

I think what I would want the most in that situation is someone my age who has gone through or is going through the same thing I am. When my dad committed suicide, they suggested that we (the kids) go to group counseling where people talked about things openly with eachother. We were all going through the same thing. We decided not to go, and I wonder how things might be different now if I had.

But if your son is like me and is beginning to hide the problem, I would want to have just one person I could have a one-on-one friendship where I could tell anything and the other person would understand. Not a counselor, or a parent, but a friend. Does he have any friends like this?

It won’t be good if he brushes it under the rug and doesn’t learn to cope with the pain now, because that pain will come back later (and maybe for the rest of his life) in other more destructive ways. I think parents also play a role in child’s development, in that when there are tragedies like this, the parent role models how to properly grieve. I’m really wishing the best for you. The way you and your son overcome this really might determine how he will live the rest of his life.
Written by Aimee about 1 year ago.

My boyfriend died in a car accident when I was 17. We had broken up the week before the accident and we were together 3 years. It was so painful since you haven’t figured out all your emotions at that age and it is easy to blame yourself for things out of your control. I had other people blame me, even though I wasnt even in the vehicle, just being a teenager is hard. Honestly – I had lost all faith, had felt very alone and could barely express what I was feeling. I could imagine suicide is even harder and comes with much more guilt. I would write- that was my outlet. When I looked back on the writings- it was scary how dark my thoughts were. It has been almost 17 years and I remember he details vividly. It is something he will live with forever. The only true healer is time. Since he sounds like he is having some possible suicide signs, I would continue counseling and possible hospitalization. Maybe he needs to join a group for others who have dealt with suicide. Call suicide prevention for tips. Best of luck. Being a mom is so hard and feeling helpess is the worst possible feeling. Sending love to your family!
Written by jenn about 1 year ago.

Something like that is very traumatic and isn’t going to easy for him to overcome. I would suggest some group therapy with other people who have lost a love one to suicide. I would also find someone who speaks to those effected from suicide to educate him that its nothing he said or done, but that there was actually something she was sick with. Suicide stems from many things. At his age the reasoning part of his brain isn’t develop yet and that is normal. After you have tried those things i would do things to keep him motivated and occupied. I wouldn’t allow him to be alone for long periods of time to where his thoughts can get to him. I hope that helps and good luck.
Written by Heyyou about 1 year ago.

i am not sure.. that’s not easy and i feel for you.
he’s going to be in pain for along time, he’s suffering badly inside and out and he doesn’t know what to make of it.
he’s lost and has to find a way home… just be there for him when he asks for you… try to just listen and love him.

there’s notmuch else you can do, you’re doing the rights things right now.. maybe some counseling for yourself on the situation would be good… seriously.
Written by Carmela R about 1 year ago.

I’m so sorry! That’s very sad..I don’t know what to say…Maybe more hospitalization cause he might do the same to himself.. I would take him on more family trips and try and get him to do things to keep his mind occupied .

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How do i help my 17 year old son after his girlfriend killed herself?

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