How can I keep a safe distance and intervene when necessary?

08/07/2011 admin 3 comments

So my mom’s had MS for the past 20 years and she’s in her mid fifties now. She takes good care of herself, except for her marijuana use, but her judgment has been waning over the years.

Her sister lives across the street and she’s a notorious alcoholic. Her son stole 5k from my mom last year (now he’s in jail). But my mom’s always turned a blind eye to my aunt’s alcoholism, defending her from the family.

The problem is that I don’t TRUST my aunt and think she’s trying to take advantage (financially, emotionally) of my mom. I wish she would just disappear. She always says she stopped drinking but it’s obviously a lie to me.

I act cordial with her, but that’s because I don’t want to upset my mom. And according to my mom, my aunt talks negatively about me sometimes behind my back, saying I’m a mama’s boy or a big introvert whatever and that’s why I don’t have a better job. Problem is I have a lot going on too and don’t have time to babysit my mom. How can I keep a safe distance and intervene when necessary?

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT distance, intervene, keep, necessary, safe

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Written by Laura N about 10 months ago.

It sounds like you are doing the right things now. Your relationship with your mom is separate from the relationship with your aunt. If you do not trust your aunt, all you can do is tell your mom that you don’t trust her and why. You can’t choose her relationships for her just like she can’t choose yours for you.

Obviously your aunt knows you have a low opinion of her or she would not badmouth you to your mom. Just keep doing what you are doing, take mom shopping, cut her lawn, whatever.. But do not harp on your aunts shortfalls she has a longer history with your mom than you do.

I know it would be nice if everyone was perfect and got along well, but that is not the human condition is it?
Written by Giles L about 10 months ago.

Sounds to me like you have good judgment, which, as Collin Powell said, is better than experience. Both are very useful in difficult situations such as you face. I’m of the opinion you need not overly agonize over your decisions and appraisals of what you should do at any particular moment, over this. Just soldier on, G.I. and keep looking before you shoot — just as you are now doing. Best wishes.
Written by Jackie C about 10 months ago.

You can’t. Not really. Unless you can take your mom to court and prove her unfit to make her own decisions, all you can do is spend less time over on that side of the neighborhood.

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How can I keep a safe distance and intervene when necessary?

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