Forgive me for this being so long, but I need to explain the whole story before I can ask the question.
My friend “Connie” (not her real name) is in a long term relationship with “Diane” (not her real name). Connie is 60, divorced, and has 3 adult children. She came out as a lesbian at age 50. Diane is 44, has 2 adult children (and one who died 3 years ago), and has been an open lesbian for her whole life.
When Connie and Diane first got together 7 years ago, their relationship was perfect. I was so happy for both of them. The first 3 or 4 years were just wonderful for them, they just seemed like the perfect couple, what every person strives to have as far as a relationship goes. Diane was always a big “pothead”, she smoked marijuana every day, but that’s as far as it went. Connie might be classified as a functioning alcoholic, she drinks all day long, yet holds a good job and is a responsible member of society as well as the kindest, most understanding woman in my life.
Diane’s 2 sons were constantly in trouble for one thing or the other, mostly for drug dealing and/or use. But it was never anything that affected Connie and Diane’s relationship. Then, 3 years ago, Diane’s son “Michael” (not his real name), age 17, was speeding away from the police after a drug deal, wrecked the car, was trapped inside, and wound up burning to death.
After Michael died, it sent Diane hurtling downwards into despair and depression. But instead of simply mourning as most grieving parents would, Diane began using heroin and cocaine to ease her sorrow, often times buying the drugs from her oldest son. Diane’s addiction got so bad that she secretly sold all of Connie’s jewelry in order to feed her drug habit. She also took $10,000 from Connie’s bank account. Before Connie even found out about any of this, Diane also robbed a convience store, and robbed an elderly woman while holding a knife to her throat.
Shortly thereafter, Diane was arrested and spent 8 months in jail. All the while Diane was locked up, Connie took a good look at her life and decided to end the relationship. She totally remodeled her house (which Diane had torn apart many times while on wild drug binges) and got rid of everything that reminded her of Diane. She refused calls from the jail, sent letters back unopened, gave all of Diane’s possessions to her children and sister, and was once and for all finally free of Diane. Things were looking up for my friend Connie, until Diane got out of jail.
She showed up at the door, homeless and hungry. Connie let her shower, eat, and then made her leave. But over the next few months, Diane worked her way back into Connie’s life, and, about 3 months ago, Diane moved back in with Connie. Diane was good for awhile, she was clean, she wasn’t even smoking pot. But over the course of the last month, Diane started using heroin and cocaine again. Connie is fed up, but, when we ask her about what she plans to do, she says, “I can’t make her leave, I love her, I remember the first few years, we were so happy, maybe we can be that way again someday.”
Me and all of Connie’s other friends try to be there for her in any way we can, we give her love and emotional support, we even spend time with Diane.
I can’t force Connie to see that she deserves much better than Diane, as she said, she loves her, they’re together 7 years, there is alot of history there. But we all know the violence Diane is capable of, and who knows what she’ll do next. Connie has told me more than once that she’s afraid to be alone in her own house.
Any advice? Thank you.