move if you can and i would nt let my son anywhere near this creep,REMEMBER you are the mother ,your son is the child ,not the other way round ,you had him he did nt have you ,so tell him he s not going end of .put your foot down good luck

You have a very touchy situation! Due to the fact that
you have obviously acknowledged the fact that he is
really the father of the boy, and since you have even
gotten this validated by action of a state agency to get
awarded child support, your only actual method to
correct your situational problem is through the court.

To try any other act without the court is to leave your
problem open to a case against you being brought
that can lead to a much worse situation for you. I do
have a law degree, but am not a practicing attorney.
I did spend almost fifteen years as a consultant on
such cases as yours. I also found it more romantic
to be a police legal adviser rather than an attorney.
During those years I saw many situations such as
yours, and saw many women ‘get the shaft’ so to
speak when they attempted to handle it in their own
way.

My experience also is from first hand life. I was
married, and had three children in that marriage. I
did get a divorce, and did gain the whole care,
control, and custody of my children with the right
to restrict visiting privileges, as well as the right
to demand up to one-third of her income as child
support, and an unspecified amount for alimony.

I never asked for any money, and had a very long
thought process on restricting visiting. Due to my
additional education in psychology, I was in a real
quandary of what I should do.

The resultant decision was to not be restrictive
without any cause not sanctioned, and so stated
by a court action, and to allow the visits as she
wished, unless they were in actual conflict with
something else I had already planned, or needed
to do with the kids. I felt she was not a great
influence for the kids, but also knew that they
would have to find that out for themselves. At
first the method didn’t seem to be of much value,
but as time went on the kids did began to see
that their mother was not so grand. They actually
saw where she was wrong, and on that part paid
little attention to her. At all times, even today,
still love their mother since she has never done
anything to cause them harm, but they came to
know just how screwed up, and wrong she was
in our family. As a result of this ‘learning process’
the kids have seen just how not to be in their lives.
They don’t always do as I would think best, but
they will listen to me on issues where they do
not pay any attention to their mother on things.

Personally, I feel that your own feelings are the
worst part of the problem you have with the idea
of your son visiting your ex. What you should do
is to let your son learn on his own or you will end
up alienating him from you. Your best course of
action is to say nothing to your son about your
thought, and feeling about your ex, but to plan,
and start an action to get certain restrictions in
place. One of the best you can do is to have the
court order that if his child support is not up to
date that he cannot have any visitation until it
is brought to date. If you can prove, not just
your opinion, or second hand opinions, that he
is too mentally unstable, or is liable to cause
harm to your son, you can also get even a more
strict decision from the court. Things such as
chaperoned visits, in public places, etc.

All in all, you should be careful with your thoughts,
and actions here because you can end up in a
much worse situation than you imagine.