High school son married secretly, what do we do?

21/01/2011 admin 8 comments

My son is a senoir in high school. He has been dating this nightmare of a girl. Her dad is an alcoholic, who sweeps floors in a strip club. This girl was obviously way more experienced than my son, who only had one girlfriend before her. She has controled his every move since day one.

We are in a much higher income level than they are. The second my son turned 18, this family convinced him he should ‘do the right thing’ and marry her, even though he is still in high school and doesn’t have a job.

All we knew was he and some friends had a party at her house, rather than going to the prom. He did come home that night. He has been coming home every night, like normal only a bit later.

Two months after this ‘party’, I found wedding invitations in his room. He got beat red, and couldn’t look at me, but told me they had a pretend wedding.

After asking around, I found out differently.
What are they up to? Can they somehow get money out of me and my husband from this?

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT high, married, school, secretly

Comments

Written by cupcake about 1 year ago.

You might be able to get him to annul it if you or someone he trusts can talk some sense into him by pointing out the disadvantages of marrying at such a young age. They can’t get money from you or your husband since she is married to him only and he is no longer a minor.

Assuming no prenup was signed, if either one of them decide to divorce down the line, she will be entitled to 50% of everything he owns plus pay child support if he gets her pregnant, for the next 18 years of his life at a time when he is just getting started out in life and doesn’t have much money to spare. He might also be stuck with paying alimony to her so she could really milk him from this situation if he doesn’t change his mind about it real quick.

Did they get a marriage license before this party? Are you sure they are legally married? I would look it up in the county records to confirm if their marriage is in fact legally valid!
Written by young hee lee about 1 year ago.

If your son is of legal age (18), there is nothing you can do. Conversely, since he is of legal age, you are not liable in any legal way to provide him or his wife or her family with any financial support. My advice to you is to accept it and stop bashing the girl your son has chosen to be with–it’s very likely she’s now your daughter in law.
Written by Jennifer P about 1 year ago.

They shouldn’t be able to get money out of you and your husband. She could get money from your son if he actually has money. There is not a lot you can do, but you might try sitting down with your son and his wife and getting things out in the open. Maybe with time you can accept what has happened.
Written by N about 1 year ago.

I don’t think they can get money unless you want to give him some.. Maybe he needs to learn the hard way. Try talking to him and see if you can get him to get rid of her. If not, try to support his decision. You love him, and will always be there for him. Make sure he knows that. Best wishes to you.
Written by faith41jesus about 1 year ago.

Well sadly since he is 18 I don’t think you can do anything what so ever. He may just have to learn the hard way.

Nagging, banning him from the family, kicking him out and scolding him won’t help.

I have a son myself who is only 6 but as my only son I fear the day I lose him to another “woman”. I’d be heart sick if I was in your spot.

I’d suggest sitting your son and his “wife” down for a heart to heart talk. Tell them you want to talk to them and ask them to please listen to you and your husband without any interruption what so ever. After you are done talking you will then listen to them with the same honor and respect.

Tell them how you feel, but make sure you do your best to respect his care & maybe “love” for this girl. Try not to put her down or him down. Make sure you use the words “We, I & Us” so you won’t put the blame on them. You can explain the way you feel and not focus on what they have done wrong. This way they won’t feel threatened and HOPEFULLY they will hear you.

Once you are done talking thank them for listening and let them know you are ready to hear their side. Hopefully they listened to you and didn’t interrupt you so you can do the same. Listen them calmly & try not to sigh, give negative body language (crossing your arms, looking at your husband & so on). Just listen.

Can they some how get money out of you and your husband? I don’t see how they could. Unless your son can get into your bank accounts or savings.

Don’t go loaning money or anything like that. If they say they NEED gas then drive them to the gas station, fill it up yourselves and be done. If they claim they need money for food invite them over for supper or take them grocery shopping. Just make sure you don’t hand over money.

My heart goes out to you and hope this helps.
Written by hiba about 1 year ago.

They cannot get anything or money from you.Maybe by learning the hard way he might see his mistake, but maybe not. Years from now he might know what his errors are and lean from them. A little advice: ask him not to get this girl pregnant.
Written by booboo about 1 year ago.

No, he’s legally an adult when he turns 18.
Written by LW about 1 year ago.

Start by sitting your son down and talking to him. Tell him you love him and you are really worried for him. Tell him that you want him to open up and share whats going on, open communication is the best solution short and long term. Your son may get weaseled into some alimony one day, but I don’t believe that you or your husband will have to ever give her money, except to help out your son probably. Is there any way that you could be wrong about this girl, maybe she is real nice to him and if you support him, he may open up to you more. Good Luck!

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High school son married secretly, what do we do?

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