Because of the Labour Party Nazional Heil-iday I was thrown off thinking today is Monday!
So I was text messaging my 14year old son every 10 minutes excerpts from the Rush Limbaugh biography collection I have, as I do every school day to counteract any bias he gets during class, when he texts back “ok teacher says I need to turn my phone off because the Barry Sadler ringtones you put on my phone are bothering the other kids, and the President’s speech is about to start”
and the words hit me like the paddleboard to my head during my Knights of the White Dawn initiation.
“pre-si-den-t’s sp-ee-ch” – the words were ringing againg just as loud as my ears after becoming a KoWD brother.
Stop signs and lights were my foe, but ignored during this time of severe crisis as I dipped below 50mph only to corner my 1964 SS.
I burst into the classroom door to the horror of seeing Darth Bama wrapping up his speech.
I grabbed my boy out of there asap- the teacher asked if anything was wrong as my son said the words “dad I want to better in school to help the country!”
I could barely hold down my eggs as I rushed him from the room.
The teacher asked if my boy needed to see the school nurse- “I screamed “no more commie indoctrination from you and your socialized healthcare!!”
he’s back at home now in his room on a regimen of recorded McCarthy hearings archives, drinking my secret blend of buck urine, otter rut and muskox cartilage extract as a detox
but on the way home he just kept saying that he would be interested in studying history, maybe even science!
I’m down to only 2 gallons of my ‘Deer Gold’ and that’s not including the amount I’ve been chugging in panic.

HELP!!!
WHAT C AN I do nOW!!