From your experience, when is it time to leave an alcoholic husband?

14/02/2011 admin 6 comments

My husband is an alcoholic, though firmly denies it. He is at the bar right now, blowing the money in our checking account. He has my car. He has 4 DUI’s. He hasn’t come home yet. My son kept asking me when dad was going to be home before he went to bed. I didn’t know what to say. I have threatened to leave unless he goes to rehab, and that has fallen through. He’s a stay at home dad, i’m active duty Navy, and have no childcare if he leaves. He has no money to go anywhere, and I honestly don’t want to just kick him out, because he has been homeless before and pretty much didn’t mind it. It’s almost as if he’s dragging across rock bottom and doesn’t care. Nothing has changed him. I need your advice. If you have been in a relationship with an alcoholic, please tell me how you changed things, and what works and doesn’t work. I’m at my wits end and my kids don’t need to be around this any longer!!!! Thank you!
Dawn- Your post made me tear up. The part about your mom taking you to look for your dad is about what I’m at right now, but at this point I refuse to take my kids out and let him learn his lesson.

QUESTIONS ABOUT SON'S ALCOHOLISM alcoholic, experience, from, husband, leave, time

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Written by cork about 1 year ago.

AS SOON AS ALCOHOL BEGANS TO BECOME A PROBLEM….. AN ISSUE.
ALCOHOL OR DRUGS OR STAYING OUT LATE ETC SHOULD NEVER BE AN ISSUE IN A MARRIAGE.. WHEN AN ISSUE ARISES.. STOP IT THEN OR SPLIT…..
Written by merrydan about 1 year ago.

Get out of there, yesterday. The military has programs and support groups for you and the kids. Stop feeding/enabling him.
Written by >>><<< about 1 year ago.

NOW…i lived with alcoholic husband for way too long. When i got tired of making excuses constantly for the children is when I had enough. I was so TIRED of covering for him passed out all the time & the kids questions & the kids worries…i couldn’t stand it anymore. It was my kids that finally made my decision for me to get out of the marriage because i didn’t want them growing up with a drunk for a dad.
Written by Idontknow about 1 year ago.

I don’t think there is really anything you can do to stop him from drinking or to make him realize he has an alcohol problem. An intervention might make sense but, it really depends on more details of your situation.

What I would worry about is that your only means of child care is leaving your child with a man who is likely intoxicated most of the time. Not good and in fact, you are endangering your child in that situation. What if something were to happen and he wasn’t in his right mind to take care of the situation responsibly? What if he were to get into an accident with your child in the car? and so on.

I would also consider setting up a personal account rather than a joint checking account. Don’t give him access to this account with pin numbers and passwords. This way he cannot go out and spend your money on alcohol. If things need to be bought for the home, unfortunately he cannot be trusted and you’ll need to do it yourself. Online banking for bills and call in and delivery services for groceries might be your best bet there.

This is really only if you’re insistant on not leaving him and in that case, you have your own reasons and probably your own sickness. Maybe ala-non for you and the kids? If you can’t figure it out, definitely therapy.
Written by Dawn about 1 year ago.

My dad was an alcoholic and him and my mom got divorced when I was 18, which was about 5 years ago. My brother was like 8 years old and while our parents were married we had it hard in different ways. When i was little I heard them fighting every weekend or my mom would put me in the car to go find my dad but when my brother got here my mom had pretty much stopped fighting because she was already done. Since they have been divorced my dad and my brother have seen each other only a handful of times which is sad. My dad is now in rehab because it was that or jail and it really hasn’t done any good. I’m sorry I can’t tell you but sometimes people straighten up and sometimes they don’t. I’m married to a man in the marine corps and we have a son also and not seeing his grandchild even wasn’t enough to make my dad stop so this is a hard situation. I know it all to well. I hope that it works out for you. God Bless
Written by Saya about 1 year ago.

What you can do is change the locks and file divorce & custody.

NOW.

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From your experience, when is it time to leave an alcoholic husband?

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