Foster parenting for a child I know, selfish not to…?

01/10/2010 admin 4 comments

My brother was going to marry this girl last summer. After 1.5 years of great relationship, blah blah blah. 2 weeks before the wedding, it turns out she is a crazy closet drug addict.
She has a little girl, the daughter was my niece for 1.5 years, she is 2 now. I have known this baby almost her whole life.
Anyway, in August the relationship broke up. She was violent and abusing drugs around the kids (my brother was a single dad, my nephew is 3) etc. My brother notified CPS, told them of her drug use and violence. We heard nothing from her for 4 months.
Now, tonight, I get a call. She finally blew it completely. She took the baby out with her, partying…the child has been in foster care for 4 days. She wants me to take the baby while she gets her act together.
This is where my problem is. I have done this before. I raised someone else’s baby for 10 months. From 5 months to 15 months. Then the parents got ‘better’, I had to give the baby back. This nearly killed me.
I would love to take this baby on. My niece. But, her mother does not like me (the feeling is mutual), and I know if (when…) she gets her daughter back, I will not be given access.
I want to help. I hate that she is amongst strangers without anything she knows, but I don’t want to have her, get attached to her, and lose her.

Any ideas, tips, suggestions? What should I do??? I feel like I am being selfish by protecting myself…

My husband is more than willing to take her in, so that is not an issue, and I have 3 other kids.
hwnp808—I really hope that happens, but the deal in Canada is they (the parents) get a chance…3, 6, or 12 months. It only takes hours to get attached…

Also, I should mention. When I said “She wants me to…” I meant the social worker…not the mother, I haven’t heard from her. The Ministry contacted my brother, and he said I am approved for foster care and safe home. So they called me.
Such good answers.

Heyy the Shortay-I know. No offence taken. I am only having trouble with this because I have done this before. It really hurts. I don’t know all the details yet. I have only spoken to the social worker once. I have a phone meeting tomorrow.

SON'S DRUG ABUSE QUESTIONS child, foster, know, parenting, selfish, to...

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Written by hwnpd808 about 2 years ago.

pray she doesnt get her act together and they put the baby up 4 adoption…ok what i said was wrong. the best thing ti do is pray the mother does get her act together and the baby has a safe place to live. in the meantime i dot know what i would do because im only 14 and have never been in this position before.but i want you to know that i dont think you are being selfish AT ALL!!!! you are right it does only take hours to get attached. i am moving back to hawaii in a few days and i cant take my dog with me because hawaii is the only state that is rabies free and he woud have to go through a bunch of tests and then be in quarantine for 6 months….i decided to let him go to a better family instead of keeping him and letting him go through all of that…even though i will miss him dearly i know i made the right choice…and he will be happier. this might relate to your problem but i imagen it would be a whole lot harder to give up i child…i know youl make the right choice..hpe i helped
Written by Ashley about 2 years ago.

I never never been in this position before but this is family, more or less. I don’t think I could turn her away. You never know, she may never get her act together and she would be put up for adoption. I think you should do what you think is right for you, your family, and the little girl.
Written by Heyy The shortay! about 2 years ago.

no offense but that IS selfish. only thinking about yourself. You should wonder what the baby is going through. Help her. even though you get attachted. As long as you help her get through all of it and play and let her have fun and get away from all the violence and drugs and abuse. even if that means you’ll have to kill to give her back. (not literally). If you have 3 other kids, dont treat her toooo special and leave your 3 kids left out and lonely. hope i helped!

Welcome! XD
Written by ✿ Lily about 2 years ago.

My heart goes out to you. First of all, you are NOT being selfish – you’re risking getting your heart broken if you take her in and she gets taken back. There’s nothing selfish about not wanting to take that chance, it’s preservation.

Unfortunately, I don’t know what you’re to do. You could take the case to family court and make a case for involuntary termination of parental rights (or your local = of it, so that she’d be legally free for adoption), if you think there’s grounds for it. But it’s a tough situation.

I’m in a similar spot myself. My nieces are in my care right now, as their mother (my half-sister) is in a world of legal trouble and will likely be incarcerated at least until the oldest is of age to drive. I guess that’s lucky in some twisted respect – there’s no way that their mother is going to retain parental rights and get the chance to hurt them again. It’s just a matter of waiting on the courts now.

It’s tough. You get attached so quickly, and it’s sickening to think they might be taken away from you right back to the people that have hurt them before… That kind of uncertainty is devastating in and of itself, yet alone if the worst comes to pass.
Personally, I’d take her in if I were you, but given you’ve already been through this with another child, I just don’t know. There’s no wrong or right answer, and it sounds like everyone is going to lose in one way or another in this situation.

My advice, if you do not think you’re emotionally prepared to have that happen again (which I wouldn’t blame you for), and there’s no chance of gaining permanent custody, is to find another relative to take her. Perhaps your brother will? Anyway, try to find someone you know and trust to take the little girl. Your social worker sounds like she’s with it, so ask her if there’s another placement possibility with someone that you know and the child knows.

Best of luck, and my thoughts are with you and your niece.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Foster parenting for a child I know, selfish not to…?

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