Do you think my husband is mentally ill or just a jerk?

07/04/2011 admin 47 comments

I have been married almost 8 yrs. It has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. He use to drink and admitted to being an alcoholic. He has not drank in 3 yrs. I don’t know if the way he is is caused by being a dry alcholic or if he drank because he is mental… My husband is like 2 different people. He can be so nice, kind and loving and then in an instant his facial features change and he turns into the meanest person I have ever met. He will be really rude or mean. Many times he just screams and screams at me. He does not remember things right. I can tell him a story of something I did and the next day he’ll transfer himself into the story and say it was his incident and not mine. He leaves me voice mails telling me how much he loves me and a week later he is screaming that he hates me and he wants a divorce. He treats his daughters very good but treats my sons (his stepsons, they are 20) like crap.. When he is in one of these spells. I can do NOTHING right.

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT husband, jerk, just, mentally, think

Comments

Written by cjcourt about 1 year ago.

Can’t he be both?
Written by petra about 1 year ago.

Hes a dry drunk = Jerk
Written by Valley R about 1 year ago.

YOU picked him … for better or worse. So I would say you should help him and get him some help to make your marriage successful.
Written by Rocketmaniac about 1 year ago.

Sounds like it’s time to move on.
Written by white about 1 year ago.

He has big problems with his anger…. Ive know people like that… there very 2 sided…
Written by Amada M about 1 year ago.

he may be bipolar
Written by tabulator32 about 1 year ago.

Years of alcoholism CAN affect one’s mindset.

He needs to be made aware of it so he can be conscious of it and work on refraining his chemically induced anger.

If he is not willing to work towards being more sensitive, he might end up with his desired divorce.

Don’t raise kids in an angry house.
Written by Bettie_T about 1 year ago.

bi-polar maybe?
Written by doubleg.ariz87 about 1 year ago.

It’s the alcohol! Yes, he’s mental. Have him committed!!! Yes, that’ll rid of him!
Written by toon l about 1 year ago.

when are you leaving
Written by Gentle Winds about 1 year ago.

He sounds mentally ill. Very. A trip to the doctor needs to happen. He really should be checked out to make sure there isn’t a medical cause for this. He’s definitely not well.
Written by MissyOz about 1 year ago.

Mentally ill – Jerk!
Having said that it appears he really does need therapy – you and your children also need to be safe!
Written by gina about 1 year ago.

I am very sorry to hear that. You might want to think about getting out of this mess by divorce or just moving out. You could also get him some help like AA meetings or counseling. For all you know he could be bipolar.
Written by butterfliesRfree about 1 year ago.

Sounds like some bipolar there and it is a real disease and it is also serious but with everything you’ve explained, there is probably something else there (mentally) too. Will he get some help?
Written by YAAHOO about 1 year ago.

sounds like he’s having withdrawals… he used to drinking when he’s stressed, and now he cant so its drving him nuts and its making him find other things to blame his problems on.
Written by Michelle about 1 year ago.

That sounds horrible.

I talked to a therapist years ago about my mother behaving in a similar fashion. It is impossible to know without an evaluation, but it could be bipolar or borderline personality disorder. Or an illness caused by the alcohol abuse.

Whatever it is, it isn’t healthy and you are unsafe. I hope you can find a way to either encourage him to seek help, or leave him.

good luck, friend.
Written by dudette about 1 year ago.

if u wanna wait til u get physically abused then stay with him. u seem to be in a very bad shape. he appears mentally ill. u can try couples therapy, but i doubt that’d work since u said he can be another person. he should get treated, if u refuse to leave him, be careful..really..

God bless
Written by Elizabeth about 1 year ago.

I think it’s probably both, sounds like he might be bipolar. I recommend counseling. And in the meantime — stick up for yourself. Sorry you’re going through that crap — but keep in mind there’re children watching. Years later, they are going to remember what you put up with and endured (especially if they are the brunt of any of his rants.)

Get him into a counseling program, wait until he’s on one of his high moods and suggest it. Maybe even give him an ultimatim. Let him know his behaviour is unacceptable and tell him if he doesn’t seek help, you gotta get out. Period. No one deserves to be screamed at.
Written by philbertpheinstein about 1 year ago.

Get a tape recorder and record him. After you have a few episodes, when he starts another one, play one back for him. He’ll probably break the recorder, so don’t let him near all the episodes at once. They could come in handy in divorce court, judges love that kind of stuff..
Written by N L about 1 year ago.

I am NOT a professional, but to me it sounds as if he could be bipolar. The mood swings say a lot, and is a key feature of this mental illness. Medication would help, but I wonder if he realizes he has a problem. If he doesn’t, chances are he wouldn’t even consider medications. Can you talk to his daughters and get their opinions? They may have concerns too, and it would help to have them in your corner to help him get treatment.
Written by luminosa about 1 year ago.

Sounds like your husband is either bi-polar or schizophrenic. He needs to see a psychiatrist and on medication.
Written by Juliana about 1 year ago.

It sounds like he’s really in need of counseling and daily AA meetings. I do commend him for not drinking for 3 years, but I know recovering alcoholics who have been straight for 25 years who still go to daily AA meetings. It sounds like he also needs a therapist to work out his anger and other issues that he’s been dealing with.

I also suggest that you go to http://www.alanon.org meetings for yourself. As you probably know, they’re for family members of additcts. They could be very helpful for you.

Remember the serenity prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

May God bless you and your husband.
Written by sappenin_2003 about 1 year ago.

if you really love him tell him how he gets, maybe you can help him, my step dad was like that but he never stopped drinking, it can really damage a person being screamed at all of the time, if he will not get help then leave. him being man, rude and screaming at you will only bring you down, yeah at times he can be sweet and the best guy in the world, but when the other person comes out you want to crawl in a hole and die, tell him he needs help or your gone, if he loves you he will try to change for the better
Written by jj_gngstr about 1 year ago.

What is wrong with this guy? To answer your question, he is probably a jerk! You should take him to go see the doctor. He has some serious issues.
Written by Marlyne B about 1 year ago.

The fact that he can discern,i.e. treats his granddaughters good but not others is one example of his ability to control himself if he wants to.

My husband can turn into a raving maniac real fast and then it seems 5 minutes later he acts as though nothing happened. the solution or cause is due to a trauma to the brain 50 years ago and was told it would be worse in old age and it is.However, he had a vicious temper before that happened and I realized it was due to how his father treated him. Doesn’t excuse it but there is a reason.

I don’t imagine he would agree to evaluation by a professional even if you told him you could not stay in this marriage due to the stress he is causing but you might ask him. I can so identify with you. Prayers that this gets resolved.

As I red some of the answers since writing this, I agree he could be bi polar-There is much info on the internet on this as to symptoms,conditions but they all say there are great highs as well as lows. Just type in Bi-polar on any search. It is worth it.
Written by Josie826 about 1 year ago.

Your husband could very well be mentally ill. He could be bipolar or schizophernic. I would suggest that you get him some help in the form of hospitalization, medication, psychological help, etc. He is not a well man and it sounds like you are miserable with him.
Written by neysyah about 1 year ago.

hmmm sory to heard that , i think ur husband have a big mistake , tell him politely to change his behaviors..
Written by nora d about 1 year ago.

sounds like he needs an evaluation. He is not trying to be a jerk. I can tell you I dated a man with multiple personality disorder. It did not show it self right away. Some of the things you said were similar to what happened in that past relationship. He ended up getting evaluated. He has 5 different personalities. Things like that can happen at any time. Sometimes it is just a chemical imbalance. Things that can be corrected with treatment. Time and patience. Has he had any type of head injuries? Or some traumatic experience? sometimes that is a trigger point.
Written by Aliz about 1 year ago.

I think he is mentally ill because he is two different people at times. He should see a shrink and get some medication to help with this problem.
Written by jwjeepers62 about 1 year ago.

Call with any problem, Anytime:
Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
Phone: 1-800-448-3000
E-mail: Hotline@girlsandboystown.
org
They have the trained professionals
to help you with this. Please call now. <}:-})
Written by Jason about 1 year ago.

Research on his family history, does his parents hurt him… mental health?

He may be bad at times but these may be signs that he is asking for professional help or attention or he may even be possessed?

Good Luck!
Written by kitsune_727@sbcglobal.net about 1 year ago.

It seems possible that your husband is Bipolar, which could explain his erratic mood changes and instability. You need to get to therapy, pronto. If that doesn’t work, its time to move on, before he moves to abuse or something else bad.
Written by janettetsmith about 1 year ago.

You don’t mention how long he drank, but he could have some permanent affects of alcoholic dementia, or he could be manic/depressive or he could just be a misogynistic a$$hole. I don’t know if you feel strength in numbers, but oddly enough … I’m pretty positive he has a twin … and I’m dating him.
Written by The Mad Doctor about 1 year ago.

Get him to see a Doctor and before he does talk to the doctor about the things you have seen. This sounds like Bi-polar disorder. You may also want to do some research on dry alcoholics, to see if this cold be the cause.

Good Luck,

TMD
Written by Rory D about 1 year ago.

This is not the best place to look for answers regarding your husband’s behaviour. It would be best to discuss this problem with him, tell him what is happening and convince him to see a mental doctor.
Written by Ana G about 1 year ago.

I think it is a mental condition. I know someone like that. They take things people tell them and turn it around to something that happened to them. They get lost to what is real and what they believe to be real. He could become really dangerous. I think he needs help and if he is not willing to get it you should think about a separation to protect you and your children. This is something that could be the affects of drugs/alcohol abuse or some kind of chemical imbalance that he has. It may be something he can not prevent from happening but he he can help himself by seeking help from professionals.
Written by Aziz A about 1 year ago.

i think you need a medical opinion to settle this – it seems complicated
Written by stinger_4202 about 1 year ago.

no insult intended. it sounds like he could be an schizophrenic, my brother in-law has it. another way of looking at it ..a split personality, bipolar there is a better word for it but i can’t think of it. i suggest you get him to see an psychiatrist he might need some medication.
Written by T J about 1 year ago.

Does it matter?

My ex-wife was mentally ill. I thought she was just awful, but ultimately got a diagnosis on what was wrong with her. It helped my understand, but regardless, it didn’t change her behavior.

You have to decide for your sake if this is how you want to live your life. Fortunately your children are grown. He obviously has issues.

In my case, although I understood her condition, I ultimately got to the point where I recognized it was not mentally healthy for me, or our son (whom I now have custody of). I couldn’t live like that. I made a plan and got out. It wasn’t easy, but it was the best thing for my son and myself. We are much happier now, and I am re-married to someone I love very much. You are in a psychological hell that I have been in.

He might have a form of Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s much more common in females, but not unknown in males. 80% of those who have it are female, but that still leaves 20% for males, not a small number. Get a book called “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and see if any of it resonates for you.

It sounds like he’s projecting – everything is someone else’s fault, not his, and perhaps he has revisionist history – rewriting the memories until you yourself can’t trust your own memories.

Regardless of what it is, this is a miserable relationship to be in. Get out. Yes, you can still love him, but you don’t have to live with him. You first.
Written by MissKathleen about 1 year ago.

Sounds like he has Bipolar Disorder. Severe mood swings which include screaming, forgetting, telling stories, anger, etc. are all symptoms of Bipolar.

Perhaps you could have him consult your doctor for an evaluation while he is in a loving mood. Or try tape recording him in action during one of his episodes, and play it back to him when he’s in a loving mood. That would snap him into reality of the hell you’re going through.

If he doesn’t want to get professional help, you are in for a life of pure hell. You may want to consider leaving him behind and getting on with your life in a normal relationship with someone else. Good luck!
Written by dorsai_wilson about 1 year ago.

Seek Mental Health care for both of you.
Written by Lora A about 1 year ago.

err get rid of him hes a jerk but he may be mental to tell him u want a divorce and he needs mental help you don’t need that life is so short you should spend any day just ‘dealing with it’ go out and live ur life and get ride of the people who caues who harm

YOU DON’T NEED HIM
Written by wadenlori about 1 year ago.

my guess would be he is either doing drugs or may have some sort of mental disorder cause by no means what he is doing is normal…..sometimes drug withdrawl can cause someone to act in that way i have been done in a simular way my self by someone and found out few years down the road it was when that person was out of his pills he would act differently toward me and roller coaster was the word for it. even if you confront that person they will deny it until he and your marriage hit rock bottom then he may eventually come clean or it will come out and by drugs (pain pills)….opiates of anykind can cause withdrawl symptoms such as those so gl wish you well.
Written by White lighting about 1 year ago.

It sounds like he’s going through ‘growing pains’ in his new-found sobriety. Yeah, three years may sound like a long time, but I’ve known a few that beat up their wives ’cause they screwed up and got drunk… and two of ‘em blew their brains out. It’s a hard road living with any ‘single digit midget’ whose behavior is spiriling out of control… if you can find an al-anon meeting, the people there can probably advise you better than me. I can remember when I had three… ouch. It’s sixteen for me now, but anyway, don’t let him get away with the abuse. You should tell him how he’s making you feel, and remind him that God didn’t get him sober to be an @$$#ole! That’s NOT how it works. Not even rarely.
Written by gardensallday about 1 year ago.

I’m bipolar, and if i’m going off, it would be hard for me to be nice to one person and mean to another. Mostly, anyone lives with me, they get it, and when my symptoms are bad, I try to stay home. But if I have to go out, anyone could get it. My cats get yelled at when I am having a bad time, even. think it is more of a personality disorder, especially if he was abused at one time. Could be he is rapid cycling or has mixed moods, and keeps a lid on it as best he can, then loses it – I do that. I think bipolar is being overdiagnosed right now. If he is bipolar, you should see MAJOR changes in his sleep patterns, his speech may become very fast at times, he may get grandiose ideas, start businesses then fail at them repeatedly, start big projects and never finish, etc. If I am as extreme as his behavior is, i am always talking about death. So if some of that other stuff isn’t happening, I would say it is a personality disorder or he was abused.

I would suggest you get him in to see a psychiatrist.

All the best to you!
Written by Chunga's Revenge about 1 year ago.

Perhaps there is some damage, and /or emotional developmental hindrance due to alcohol abuse?
Many people start drinking or using drugs when they are young for a couple reasons; recreational enjoyment, and at times they use their dependency to cover up other issues in their past. Eventually many people become addicted to drugs/alcohol because it acts as a buffer from reality. Then physical dependency begins.
If he did have other issues in his past such as an abusive upbringing, his alcoholism may have hid that from you. Now that he doesn’t drink any longer maybe those issues from his past(if their are any) have come to the forefront.
I’m not a psychologist or counselor or anything of the sort, but I was a serious drug addict for many years and what you’ve described sounds all too familiar to me.
If he did suffer some sort of trauma when he was younger, then he needs to get to the root of his problem, and maybe seek some sort of counseling?
I wish you well, and good luck!
Written by aredsailjunk about 1 year ago.

Some people self medicate with the alcohol…ah, he`s just a good ole drunk….but once the alcohol is no longer in the system , the other problem{s} that had been masked some a roaring out in full force…would agree with the possibility of bi-polar disorder.-maybe schizo affective also….Nothing you can do is going to improve anything until he decided to seek professional help for himself. Except removing your self and any children involved from a potentially life threatening situation…..

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Do you think my husband is mentally ill or just a jerk?

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