Deadbeat dad has reappeared… should he see his son who doesn’t even recognize him?

17/03/2011 admin 10 comments

My son is three, about to turn four. My exhuband/his dad disappeared over a year ago and even before that didn’t see him very often (once every other month or so). His dad was also pretty violent and an alcoholic and drug user. Now, I stopped getting child support and when I tried to follow up to see what the situation is – his dad is saying he wants to see our son and claims that I have been keeping him from him (patently false, even if I should have been). He also says that we need “revisit the custody situation.” I tried asking my son if he remembers his dad, he just seemed really confused. When I showed him a picture of his dad, he just asked “Who’s that?”

What should I do?
I currently have full custody, but it is nearly impossible in texas to have visitation revoked. If he were to show up at the right time with the visitation orders in hand, he can call the police and have my son taken away. It’s a pretty tricky situation and I have to tread pretty lightly because realistically, I don’t have that much control in this situation.

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Comments

Written by Chris Webb about 1 year ago.

That is hard, but it is up to you, YOU know this man more then anyone on Yahoo. Has he changed? will he just do the same thing again? It could be a great thing since you child is still young and has a chance to have his father in his life but at the same time if he left again when the child was say 6-10 it would make a much bigger impact on the child and would not be good, so..with that being said be careful and i wish you and your kid the best of luck.
Written by Michael Suhan about 1 year ago.

if it wont be healthy for him to know him i suggest not having them meet then take him to court to get child support
Written by hellogoodbye about 1 year ago.

You asked, so…Get child support through an attorney, or the state. And, avoid this guy. If he wants to “revisit the custody issue”, let him spend his money, which I doubt very seriously he will do, when push comes to shove. He’s trying to scare you, and control you. And, please, don’t confuse your little son with a guy (even though he’s his dad) who is violent, a drug abuser, and an alcoholic! He doesn’t even need to know a person like that. Seriously.
Written by cassakane about 1 year ago.

If you feel that his father his a danger to him, then I would go to court and attempt to get full custody.
Written by King of Thumbs Down about 1 year ago.

Get a lawyer. Have him busted for non-support. Sounds like he is still on drugs if he thinks he can win in court after being missing and unsupportive.
Written by Emily E about 1 year ago.

When he disappeared you should of gone to court to eliminate his visitation rights. Now that he is back you don’t have a lot of choice if he has an order to see the child. I would not let my child go until he shows up with cops to enforce a standing order, or he takes you back to court!
Written by randy ross about 1 year ago.

If he is still an alcoholic, drug using abuser, then no. You must protect your child.

However, if he claims to have reformed, then give him a very limited chance – supervised visitation.

After he has proven himself for some time (including random blood tests and evidence in his lifestyle), then he may earn more visitation. This would also include paying current and back child support, maintaining a job and decent home, etc.
Written by K about 1 year ago.

To tell you honestly we had this happen in our family. The father was and IS a dead beat who left the child at a young age then reappeared out of no where. Its been 15 years since making the child 17 now. I would protect him as much as possible from his father and let him choose when he is 17 or 18 to revisit that “father”. If the father isn’t an asset to the childs upbrining then hes a problem and will stir up chaos.
Written by ginger about 1 year ago.

Let the court deal with him. No you should nit keep him from his father(again let the law decide).
When your son gets older you don’t want your ex telling your son it was you that kept him away, that could strain your relationship with your son. (again let the court be at fault).
ONLY. allow visitation in your presence and at the police station if you feel that is necessary.
Don’t let that creep take your son anywhere, he is a stranger and is irresponsible. He should have to prove he is capable of being trusted with your son and can be a positive influence.
He is only a donor, not a father
Written by angiec8420 about 1 year ago.

Yeah, this man is a stranger, and no, I wouldn’t let him see him, you need to go to court, and seek out getting child support again, and getting full custody, because I’m sure you will get it…

Edit: Give him ONE chance to change, if he doesn’t, then take him to court…

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Deadbeat dad has reappeared… should he see his son who doesn’t even recognize him?

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