Courage and tips on leaving an alcoholic?

03/01/2011 admin 5 comments

I’ve known my current boyfriend for about 11 years now..We’ve been off and on for the past 4 years. During a long break in our relationship, I was living with and dating a good friend of mine, who ended up leaving me all alone and pregnant. Since then, I have become a mother to a beautiful boy..I had a lot of trouble being a single mother, I felt so lonely, while I loved my son and he fills my life with happiness, I also saw all of my other friends who had children (and were married or in relationships)..So I got back together with my on again off again boyfriend.
Flash forward a year later and we are living in a nice house together, my son and him LOVE each other and things are wonderful! But only on the surface. I’ve come to realize that my boyfriend is a TRUE alcoholic. I don’t drink,smoke, do drugs, nothing of the sort. And I always thought that he was in control of his drinking, but either I was not wanting to see the truth or he was hiding it.
He drinks constantly and sometimes too much. I know alcohol is a depressant and I’ve noticed that even when he’s sober, he’s still a controlling, lazy, rude, selfish a**hole. I’ve lost all feelings for him aside from being comfortable and loving the fact that my son has a “family”. But I realize that it’s not healthy so I have decided to leave and move in with my family for a while to get things together and focus on my education and career. While this sounds so easy, it doesn’t feel that way.
My parents live in a small town hours from here so I’d have to quit my job (that I love and have had for 2 years), my car broke down and is too expensive to fix, so I’d be moving there w/o a vehicle, I love my little house, I’ll miss it and the privacy it allows my son and I, and moving in w/my crazy annoying (but loving) parents does not sound like a dream come true.
I just know that I have to leave him. I refuse to expose my child to this and I won’t stand for it either.
Anyone have experience, tips, etc. that could make this easier?
I’m going to do it regardless, I just need the extra strength!
Thank you
And to Mr. Butler who so “kindly” answered my question…First of all, I’m beautiful, successful and well educated. So to say that I’m “not the pick of the litter” is incorrect and cruel. Yes, I am a single mother and yes, my car broke down but that doesn’t mean I won’t have another. I’m not “poor” as you quoted, I pay the majority of the bills in the household…So with that, thank you so much you ignorant black monkey wearing a tux. You look real nice..Fo Sho!

Everyone else, thank you for the advice.

QUESTIONS ABOUT SON'S ALCOHOLISM alcoholic, Courage, leaving, Tips

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Written by Geoffrey Butler about 1 year ago.

Wouldn’t it be easier to tell him that if he does not change his ways you will leave him? And then go from there?

Either way, the dude sounds like a pretty stand up guy for taking you back in when you are poor, no longer have a car, got knocked up by some dude and have a kid that’s not even his and he cares for the child. I’m sure you’re not the pick of the litter either.
Written by jenny about 1 year ago.

I don’t really have experience on this issue but i am going to tell you leaving him will help both your boyfriend and you, you said you want a family and I’m assuming a happy one for your child, not some random people living together because they have no choice. If your boyfriend really wants what you and your son offer then he is gonna have to work for it…give him conditions if he wants to get back, and really sometimes you have to sacrifice certain bits of your life to obtain a happy healthier one. You’re just having a minor setback girl and like they say God never gives you a burden he knows you aren’t strong enough to handle.
Written by Anthony Tangorra about 1 year ago.

ur probably not going to want to do this but get drunk with him and when he passes out then pack ur things and leave. then the next day text him why u left but don’t tell him where ur going or he’ll stalk u wherever u go. tell everyone he and u know not to tell him where ur going. and that’s it.
Written by Matt K about 1 year ago.

If I was you I would do 2 things before I leave. Purchase another vehicle and save up some cash so your not relying on your parents but other than that you have the plan and that is the first step. I would also try and talk to him about his drinking before you just up and leave unless you really dislike him. I believe that is how you should approach this. I am not a drinker and most of my family is. I no longer speak to them so I understand your frustration.
Written by Jenn about 1 year ago.

Hey,

I have never read a question on here I can relate to as well as this one, and I commend you and wish you all the luck and courage in the world! You are doing the right thing, there is no doubt in my mind!

I am also a single mother, I have two kids. My daughters father was an alcoholic. He was when I met him, but I had no kids or responsibilities, so it wasn’t a big deal. I could kick him out when he was obnoxious.

After I found out I was pregnant, things went rapidly downhill, despite him promising me he would be sober and clean by the time she was born. By then he was rarely sober and always stoned. BUT, he promised to be sober by her first birthday. He signed up for treatment, but he never went, and started staying out nights, coming back to pass out and yell and curse at both of us should we make too much noise. Heaven forbid I call him a drunk!

I gave him an ultimatum, and by this time, like you, I had lost my feelings for him. I cared about him, but I no longer loved him. I told him… and you must by now know this is true… a person can not be an alcoholic and a parent. It’s one or the other. I told him he had a month to show me he was serious about making a change, and in that month, I planned my escape.

Had he tried… had he made any conceivable effort and not merely made more excuses, I might have given him a chance. He cried. He begged. He bargained. But he still drank, smoked his weed, and stayed out nights.
It wasn’t easy, but the hardest part was knowing I was taking my girl away from her father. I felt incredible guilt one one hand… I felt I was cheating her out of a family, and what should have been a special relationship. I had to cut my losses, I left a LOT of stuff behind. But when I left, he got violent and tried to beat me up so that I would listen to him. It was terrifying, and there is one bit of advice I will pass on. After he knows you are leaving, DO NOT be in his presence alone. Especially if he is drunk, he may be unpredictable. My girl was 8 months old and saw the whole thing.

Can you kick him out, and keep your house? Can you get a restraining order if he resists leaving? What about getting child support from your sons dad as an extra bit of income? Or renting a cheaper place in the same town so that you don’t need to quit your job?

In the end, kids learn by watching their parents and their role models, and getting your son away from alcohol is the very best thing that you could ever do. You will be demonstrating for him a positive lifestyle, and showing him, and yourself, that when life gets tough, you can get tougher, and you will be stronger for it, and so will your son. Plus, you never know. Your leaving may just be what finally brings it home to this man that he has a very serious problem, and like tough love does, once doors start closing perhaps he will decide its time to open some for himself. Perhaps it will be the thing that convinces him to go get help for himself!

Good luck out there!

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Courage and tips on leaving an alcoholic?

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