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Grief is the normal and natural reaction to any major loss. Loss is a part of living and a great many of us are facing losses due to health and financial issues, deaths of family and friends, and painful relationship breakups, whether personal or in business.

We talk about the loss, but not many people want to hear what we’re really feeling. Grief, the emotions that result from loss, is one of the most off-limits topics of conversation. Yet loss is a part of living.

Unresolved grief from the death of a loved one, a painful breakup, loss of trust, loss of health, loss of a job, or any major loss can leave us depleted, depressed, and passionless.

Society, our family, and friends give us messages like don’t feel bad, replace the loss, keep busy, and with time you’ll feel better. But, these comments don’t help—they don’t get to the “heart” of the matter, and they aren’t true statements or solutions for someone who’s grieving. In fact, sometimes they downright hurt us more.

The truth is when we’re dealing with loss, either recent or long ago, we have a broken heart, not a broken head. We need to say what we’re feeling, and communicate the conflicted thoughts and emotions we might be harboring. We need someone who will really listen, not give us advice, not judge or try to make us feel better. The first step to healing a broken heart is to express our feelings.

So, what is the silent healer and the first step to recovering from life-altering loss?

Hints:
• It takes no particular expertise, although with awareness and practice you can get really good at it.
• It’s not hard to do, except when you’re thinking about something else (which is most of the time!).
• We love it when someone gives it to us.
• I mentioned it in an earlier paragraph.

It’s listening. Listening—the gift we give to each other; listening—the healing power within each of us. It’s a natural part of our everyday communications. And the more we use it, become aware of it, and perfect it, the more power it has to make a difference in our life and work.

When we listen with a blank mind, no agenda, just focused listening, we can hear all of what a person is saying. We experience the message that goes beyond the words. We hear the feelings beneath what is spoken. When we have no other purpose than to truly understand, the truth can show up.

Listening without thinking, eliminates our judgmental thoughts. If the person speaking understands that the listener is not judging them, they feel safe to tell the truth. Try it out. Think of a person in your life that you can tell almost anything to. Isn’t part of the reason you feel that way because you don’t feel judged by them?

For those of us who want to help ourselves and others going through tough times, telling the truth about what we’re feeling to someone who knows how to listen, and listening to others’ expressions of truth about what they’re feeling, is the silent healer for ourselves and others—the secret first step to recovery. It is something we all can give to others and ask others to give to us.

Eileen Joyce is a certified coach and grief recovery specialist with a thirty five-
year background that includes business ownership, marketing, coaching, and
grief recovery. Eileen helps bridge the gap between grief and loss, and joy-filled living. www.eileenjoyce.com, ej@eileenjoyce.com

Article Source: THE SILENT HEALER…and first step to recovering from any life-altering losses

Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult and profoundly life-changing experiences that a person can go through. Many people who have recently experienced the death of someone they cared for are concerned that they will never feel “right” or happy again, or that the pain they are feeling will remain a constant for the rest of their lives. This is especially true for people who have not suffered such a loss in the past, although they are not the only ones who experience these fears.

Some people living with grief find it useful to learn that their experience is typical. This does not only help them feel less alone with their feelings, but also offers hope that they will be able to survive this terrible experience. Coping with feelings of intense loss is not easy, but it is possible.

What is “Normal”?

When it comes to handling intense emotions, nearly everything is normal. Everyone handles shock and pain in his or her own way. For example, it is perfectly normal to:

Cry, or not. Some people worry that crying is a sign of weakness that could make them a “burden” on those who might worry about them. Others worry that not crying shows they are not truly missing their loved ones. Neither one is true; crying helps some but not others.

Experience unexpected “triggers.” Sometimes mourning people seem to turn a corner and begin to feel better. Then, something reminds them of their loss and they are suddenly in pain again. This is a normal experience that should lessen with time, but it may take a long time.

Feel irrational anger. It is human nature to look for someone or something to blame for our suffering. Sometimes there is no logical target for our anger, so we begin to focus on something that cannot really be to blame. As long as this anger does not interfere with your ability to function, it is perfectly normal.

Of course, the fact that the pain you are feeling is typical does not make it any easier to bear. While you wait for things to improve, be sure to take care of yourself. Do not be afraid to rely on friends and family for support, and do not forget to eat well and exercise.

When Grief Will Not Lift

It is important to note that grief can cross a line into clinical depression, at which point professional care may be needed. Anyone who is experience intense feelings of hopelessness, an inability to face daily tasks, or thoughts of suicide needs to contact a doctor right away.

Grief can be compounded when surviving loved ones know their loss could have been avoided if a third party had been more attentive or careful. To learn about legal options for families seeking justice, contact Minnesota wrongful death attorneys Terry, Slane & Ruohonen, PLLC.

Article Source: Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

When the relationship goes bad and you suddenly find yourself figuring how to deal with a break up, you may feel the pain will never be over. Your emotions may be running so high so that you feel you will be an emotional wreck for the rest of your life, and never get over the breakup.

Most of what you feel is complete embarrassment from being dumped. It is okay to be in this state. And the best way how to get over a breakup and move forward is to not feel so bad about yourself.

You may be feeling anger and resent for your ex, which is very normal. Let yourself express these emotions, but make sure you let out your anger in a harmless way and in the right setting.

If you want to scream and ball your eyes out then rather do it at home or at a friend’s house. Do not be silly and let your resentment out on your ex lover. So what if they hurt and made you feel vulnerable! That does not give you any right to try get back at them. Just take my break up advice – getting even will not make you feel better.

Other than hurt, you may start to blame yourself for what happened. Many “what if” and “if only” thoughts may be running through your mind as you try come to grips with the breakup. Just do not blame yourself for it.

The break up is nobody’s fault and there is nothing that you could have done to avoid it. In fact, the break up was a sign that the relationship was failing, so avoiding the break up would have simply prolonged the agony. And it would have prevented you and your ex partner from enjoying a healthier, happier relationship with someone more compatible.

Just when you have thought you have finished dealing with a break up, your ex may find a new lover. This may bring back all your feelings of anger and resentment towards them. So remember to let these feelings out but in a healthy manner.

Having feelings and being hurt is what makes us human. And everybody hurts at some stage in their lives, but it is how you deal with the hurt that matters. Embracing it and expressing our feelings will help us accept the break up and move on faster.

You will have good days and you will have bad days, remember to take each day at a time and allow yourself the time and space to come to terms with the situation. Once you have accepted the break up and the feelings you are experiencing, you will be able to move on with your life.

If you are feeling sad and resentful after your partner abandoned you, then claim a copy of our FREE E-Course on How To Deal With A Break Up, and learn how to move on with confidence and attract the perfect partner into your life.

Article Source: Moving On And Learning How To Deal With A Break Up

Grief can be overwhelming. A death, separation of loved one, etc. can cause tremendous grief. This kind of grief refuses to get treated for a long period. People say that time is a great healer, but it is also true that the more time passes, the more time you have to grieve. Some time back I used to visit web pages set up by cancer patients. Most of them were young children who were suffering from leukemia. The parents used to write in the pages and share their agony. I recollect a father whose son died when he was very young. This man had uncontrollable grief and no amount of talk could help him. Simply believing that his child has now become a star in the sky did not help him.

Many deaths took place when I was active with those web pages. I learnt a lot during that period. The main lesson was that grief is not logical. To die is certain and we all know that but when somebody very dear to us dies, no amount of logic helps. One must shed tears to heal.

I have interacted with many persons with broken relationships on message boards. I observed that most of these people were ok for some days but went back to depression and pain soon. You could not believe that a person, who was advising others a few days back, has himself or herself broken down again. This was cyclic in many people. Again I learnt a lesson that grief and bitterness of having been left by a loved one do not go away soon. The inner mind carries all emotions that defy any logic that the outer mind proposes.

What is the remedy? I have found that another who is also grieving best understands a person who is grieving. If a grieving person talks to a healthy individual, no amount of interaction helps. But if he/she talks to someone who is also facing grief, understanding is very fast.

The author likes to write text messages and advises for internet and social networking content like twitter backgrounds and myspace graphics. He also writes quizzes on subjects like career, personality, etc.

Article Source: Grief- What Can Be Done About It?

The movie “Gran Torino” begins, and ends, with a funeral. There is mention of the bitter and sweet aspects of death, and questions as to whether death is an end or a beginning. Some of us believe in reincarnation or at least an after-life, whilst others do not.

No matter what your beliefs are about the after-life, it is hard for those left in this world to feel happy when trying to cope with the loss of someone who you dearly love. I can still see my mother’s expression during her mother’s, my grand-mothers, funeral. I can clearly remember how strong she was, how she talked about the funeral ceremony being one of celebration as opposed to loss; celebration at a wonderful and long life, and a beautiful person. These words belied the tears held back in my mother’s eyes. She was determined not to cry that day and she didn’t, not then; she cried beforehand and afterwards but not then. It was her tribute to her mother.

I only discovered in recent years that my mother has taken sleeping pills ever since my father died. Sleepless nights are all too familiar to those who are doing their best to cope with loss. Memories, worries and fears circle around one’s mind and your emotions are turned inside-out and upside down. You turn into yourself and don’t feel that anyone can help. All you can do is take one day at a time and focus on the practicalities of day to day life. Days seem to pass in a complete blur, until eventually you realize that you have got through it; it is as if you have moved through a dark and damp tunnel and have finally reached daylight once again.

No-one really knows how we get through; hence the saying that “time heals”. Slowly we begin to focus more upon the present and slowly our emotions lift as we notice more about life than the grief associated with loss. We get more and more used to doing things alone, and more confident in our ability to move forwards. This just seems to happen as our natural instinct for survival takes over.

Can we do anything to sooth ourselves during this period of grief and loss? There are certain things which we can do. We can use hypnosis to help relax and sleep and sooth our bodies and our minds. Hypnosis is in itself a state of relaxation and so it will teach you how to relax, even when you are at your most anxious or most full of grief. You can learn to use hypnosis with the help of hypnosis downloads and train your mind to relax easily and quickly in this manner.

Hypnosis is the state between wake and sleep, and so by learning to use hypnosis you will learn how to sleep normally and naturally once more. Nobody knows how to go to sleep; it just happens. In learning hypnosis, however, you will learn to relax into a state which naturally leads to sleep. When in hypnosis your body relaxes and so does your conscious mind. Hypnosis provides a welcome break from those thoughts which would otherwise been circling around inside your mind; it’s like taking a mini-holiday, or having a mental massage. This ability to sooth your mind and change your emotional state is invaluable when you are coping with bereavement.

Coming to terms with the loss of a loved one is difficult for everyone and we all respond in our own unique way, experiencing a myriad of emotions ranging from disbelief, to anger, grief and loneliness. We have to find a way in which to rationalize it and come to terms with it and move forwards into the next stage of our own lives.

Hypnosis allows contact with your inner mind, and suggestions can be made to give you a feeling of calmness, safety and security, as well as the confidence to believe in your own ability to cope and to rebuild your life. This does not interfere with the natural grieving process; rather it helps you to cope with it better.

You can purchase hypnosis downloads designed to assist you in dealing with your emotions, and in coping as well as possible as you rebuild your life. There are also downloads available which will help you to cope on a more spiritual level; to help you to feel that your loved one is safe in the spirit world and is always there to comfort and guide you. You can decide for yourself which approach is most appropriate for you, but everyone will find that at the very least, hypnosis downloads will help you to relax, and to switch off for a short while, and also to sleep more easily.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for health and well-being.

With a degree in psychology and qualifications in hypnotherapy, NLP and sports psychology, Roseanna Leaton is one of the leading practitioners of self-improvement. You can get a free hypnosis download from http://www.RoseannaLeaton.com and peruse her extensive library of hypnosis downloads .

Article Source: Coping With Bereavement; Is There Anything Which Can Help?

It was the 2nd anniversary of my mother’s passing and who knows what prompted me to write this, other than to pass on some thoughts. (Or maybe just some personal ramblings)

There’s a line in a song
‘ you left me here, to remind me of you’ and that to me is a comfort
~ as long as I am here, so will she.

and hopefully I can display those wonderful qualities she taught me by the way she was and the way she still is within me.

We don’t have to be sad, angry or alone when we remember those who have left us ~ I’m not ~ I miss her and speak to her most days and listen. Not just with my ears but with an awareness and I seem to understand.
But how can you remember in a way that makes you feel ok?

I feel I am lucky to have found NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) way back when I did. It has taught me to know I can experience memories how I want to experience them. I can remember times which before would bring on a negative emotion such as anger, sadness, guilt etc. but now they are just something that happened in my past and are void of those old feelings. Just as importantly I can re-experience the feelings of any good memory, in my mind I am there again and even better that that if I want I can magnify those good feelings and take them with me into my present-my now. In our trainings (my sons’ and mine) and my therapy work it’s great to see others find how much fun you can have learning and doing this and how it truly transforms their future.

Any way, back to that line of the song and one of the simple ways to remember that special someone.

This is what I do.
I think of a good time(s) with her and see it as if I’m looking through my own eyes.
I’m there again, seeing what I saw, hearing what I heard and I feel the good feelings I had and every good memory is the same way. I make it that way because that’s how I want it to be.

If any memory isn’t of a good time, I see it differently. I see myself in the memory, (as if it’s a movie with me in it) over there and I make it smaller and darker, I make it still and move it away from me ~ any not so good feeling just diminish

I also have noticed that a side effect of seeing, hearing and feeling those good memories is that you notice even more good things about that person. Things that you see, maybe a book they read or a photograph brings even more good feelings and sometimes a feeling of gratefulness that you had that person in your life. Now I can talk about my mother (and to her) with nothing other than love and good feelings – no tears just joy.
This is not the only way but a sure way to remember what you want, how you want to and it’s good to remember because……………..

‘ you left me here, to remind me of you’

Enjoy your every heart beat

Paul

Paul Clough is a trainer of NLP and Hypnosis, Master Practitioner of Time Line Therapy with his youngest son Joseph Clough. A practicing therapist and coach ~ Someone who talks the talk AND walks the walk. .For more information call +44(0)1223 720 120 or to see free hypnosis and NLP learning videos and audio downloads

Article Source: Grief ~ a way to remember that feels good

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