Straight forward, I lost my daughter last year to a terrible birth defect, I had to sign DNR papers and never forgave myself. Shortly after, I was in the process of a nasty divorce that was pending for two years as me and my husband separated two years prior. During that time, my mother, whom I have a toxic relationship with started her drama and we ended up in court with me getting a restraining order against her. My fiance and I also found out that I was pregnant for the second time and I couldn’t leave my home state because I had two pending court cases. It was the most terrible experience of my life, to add to it, my oldest child from my previous relationship was upset not only that his dad and I were divorcing but that his baby sister had died and knowing I was pregnant with a baby brother. We all had our lives burnt to ashs and it’s been a very difficult time. Since then, the court cases have resolved, my ex-husband and I are on civil terms, my fiance and I live together, my son was born healthy and my eldest is the best big brother I could have hoped for. But now, after a year and half, those feeling of losing my daughter are just hitting me. I cry all the time, I get shaky, I think about her all the time. I see anything that reminds me of her, I lose it. I can’t work in the hospital anymore because the smell of the environment or seeing children hooked up just throws me right back, so I haven’t been working and staying at home with the children. My question is, is it possible to be so overwhelmed with stress that you can post pone bereavement? I felt like I didn’t have time to even mourn my daughter with everything that was going on, and now, she’s all I think about. Does she hate me for ending life support? I’ve sought therapy and I want to go drug free-is that possible for someone in my state?
I am starting therapy with my oldest son tomorrow in fact, just asking for some real world coping from anyone who has lost so deeply and had to keep the family together. I trust doctors-sometimes, people who have gone through the trauma understand better and have some ideas that helped them and their families.

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