Having a drink or two is not a horrible thing. At least he sees them drinking casually but keeping it under control.

It would be harmful for him if they couldn’t. If they drank until they were sloppy and gross, or passing out on the floor, or worse becoming violent.

They are doing something that is perfectly legal for them to do and they are showing how to be responsible with it. If anything, they are EXCELLENT examples for him to be around. When he makes comments regarding them when he sees alcohol related things, it’s an excellent opportunity to tell him, “Yes, it is an adult beverage. Only for adults. Not for children.” If he asks why, explain that it has something in it that if you have too much can make you do really stupid things and get very sick. Then tell him how blessed you all are to have family who knows how to enjoy such things in moderation and be very, very responsible about it.

You can’t hide him from life. In a very short time he’ll be in middle school, and if he hasn’t been offered something yet from his peers, you better believe it is coming. Thank heavens you have this opportunity to talk about responsibility and moderation now and have excellent examples of it.

Well having one or two drinks at BBQ is perfectly normal and socially acceptable. You’re not really protecting your son from anything by keeping him away from people who drink alcohol. Like so many other things, alcohol isn’t an inherently bad thing. Overindulging and acting irresponsibly is the problem, not the drink itself. It doesn’t sound like they’re doing anything like that.

Basically all I’m saying here is that you have to teach him from an early age that there are people who believe differently from you and that’s ‘ok’. When they come over you obviously don’t serve alcohol. Your house, your rules. No big deal. If he asks why they drink and you don’t, that’s a good time to talk to him about your reasons for not drinking and why some people choose to.

He’ll make his own decisions when he’s of-age. If you make it something taboo, he’ll be more likely to be curious.

I would recommend using this as a teaching experience.

At the age of 9 years old, it really is time that your son at least knows what alcohol is, and the concerns surrounding alcohol consumption. I know you do not like to hear this, but he is at an age where he might encounter alcohol at a friend’s house, perhaps even be offered alcohol by an irreponsible parent, on older sibling of a friend, or by a curious friend who is sneaking it from a parent’s liquor cabinet. He will need to know what he is being offered.

He needs to be educated about alcohol poisoning, that it can cause disorientation, vomiting, severe dehydration, and people do drop dead from it. I once saw someone carried dead out of a bar across the street from the garage where my car was being worked on. He had been playing a game to see how many shots he could drink. A child who is experimenting with alcohol does not understand the dangers of drinking a glass of vodka in the same amount as he might drink a glass of water. Your son needs to understand what beer, wine and hard liquor are, and the relative strengths of them. It would be wise to show him a shot glass, a wine glass, and a bottle of beer, and explain the concept of servings, so that he knows that just a few tiny little shot glass of hard liquors is enough to make him very, very sick. Explain that alcohol is a poison, and that the relaxation and giddiness, are actually early stages of the alcohol poisoning.

He needs to know about alcoholism. How it can ruin a life, destroy family and a career, and rob a person of self control. If you have any alcoholics in your family, or persons with other addictions, he needs to be warned that he may be genetically more susceptible than other people.

He needs to know about drunk driving. About how many people are killed every year when a drunk driver hits them head on at 60 miles an hour on a highway. About how drunk people fall off roofs, wander into traffic, and fall asleep in the snow and die. He needs to know about how alcohol and drug use are related to prison, how many inmates have alcohol or drug addictions. He needs to know how alcohol and drug use can make a person helpless and vulnerable. Many, many people have woken up from a night of drinking to discover their wallets or purses gone, or worse.

He needs to understand that adults do sometimes drink alcohol, and that when they do, it is sort of like shooting off fireworks. Within the alcohol is a powerful destructive force. Some people, who take great care, can use it without harming themselves, but there is always the potential that it could blow up without warning, and cause great destruction in someone’s life. An evening glass of wine could become an addiction. A night of excessive partying could end in a fatal car accident and prison time. A little drinking game could end with a friend dying of a fatal alcohol poisoning. If you know any stories of people that you personally knew, for whom alcohol caused tragedy in their lives, share those stories.

He needs to understand that when people do use alcohol, that there are a lot of rules that must be followed in order to remain safe. Never drink and drive, or engage in any potentially dangerous activities like swimming or climbing. Never drink before going to work. Count your servings. An adult should consume no more than 2 or 3 in an evening, and a child should not consume any. Do not let someone else mix your drink, because it may be stronger than you realize. Do not drink alcohol every day. Always drink plenty of water and take vitamins when drinking. Always eat something before drinking alcohol, so the alcohol does not hit you all at once. Drink very slowly, because it takes time for the alcohol to hit you, and if you drink too fast, by the time you realize you have had too much, you have much more in your stomach about to hit. He needs to understand that it takes a certain amount of time for every serving to be metabolized, and that if he drinks excessively, he could remain under the influence of alcohol well into the following day.

Alcohol is everywhere, and you cannot hide it from him. The best protection you can give him is information. He is in school and talks to his friends. He sees it on TV, at other people’s houses, if not at your own. What he sees is that cool people on TV drink alcohol, and relatives drink it, and it’s something that kids aren’t allowed to do until they get to be adults (which makes it something kids are anxious to do because it seems “grownup”). What you need to tell him is that there is a lot about alcohol that he does not see, that he needs to know about it. You cannot keep him in a bubble. It is time to tell him the truth.