Am I wrong to not want my son to see his grandparents?

10/10/2010 admin 4 comments

My inlaws have accused me of being a bad mother because I cosleep with him, enjoy an occasional alcoholic beverage (after he has gone to bed and only 1-2 a week) eventhough I am still breastfeeding (he is 18mos old), and because he is a small boy; in the 25th % for height and weight. (he was born @ the 5th %) They have accused my husband of being a bad father and indicate that he lets me run all over him and that he needs to take the reins in his own house. These are people who are smokers, alcoholics, drug users and compulsive gamblers. My FIL is a male chauvenist lazy pig who never lifts a hand to help with household chores and since I have become a stay-at-home mom, neither does my husband. That man (the FIL) is degrading towards women as well. My concern is that I don’t want my son to think that any of these behaviors are okay, but to be a loving, responsible, compassionate, caring human being. He is already a sensitive boy, but I don’t want them to ruin that. Please help!

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Written by Eli's mom about 2 years ago.

I wouldn’t let my son see his grandparents if they were like that. Your first responsibility is to protect your son, not make your inlaws happy. By all means, you’re right to keep your son away from bad influences. I too sometimes cosleep with my son (10 weeks), and have alcohol even though breastfeeding (never in excess mind you). In fact, I’ve been told by many people that having 1 beer or glass of wine a day is beneficial to the baby. I don’t consider myself a bad mother because I do those things, and neither does any of my family/friends. Don’t listen to them, trust your instincts and know you’re doing a good job.
Written by Kaniehtaronkwas D about 2 years ago.

I don’t see much harm in it, if you can’t avoid it. They may be around him, but you are raising him, and he won’t be any dummy. He will be as smart or maybe even smarter than you.

But as the parent, you have the final say and don’t forget it, watch them squirm and rant when you put your foot down and let them know they did it to themselves.
Written by dancing_daisy17 about 2 years ago.

While keeping your child away from his grandparents is totally up to you at this point, you should remember that he may form his own opinions when he is older and may want to see them then. It is understandable that you are frustrated with your inlaws but as long as they are loving to your son then your relationship with them shouldn’t be an issue. If their attitude becomes a problem then removing him from their influence is understandable but 100% removal may not always be the best things as family is a big part of everyone’s life.
Written by Hands about 2 years ago.

I think personal hangups between a parent and the inlaws or their own parents shouldn’t reflect on the child,so in most normal cases, if there were issues between the parents and the grandparents, I would say “don’t make your child suffer, he should know his grandparents.”
However, since these people are alcoholics and drug abusers, I think it’s perfectly rational not to want your child around them or in their care.
Behavior is learned from home at an early age, it’s probably why your husband is taking a more laidback role in the household like his own father does. You should probably nip that in the bud if you don’t want your son to learn that behavior from his own father.

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Am I wrong to not want my son to see his grandparents?

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