My boyfriend & have have been together for 8 months now. When we first met it was like love at first sight. I really believed this guy was right for me. He almost ammediately began to tell me he was in love and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Not long after that he began to tell me I needed to settle down. I have a 4 year old son & I went out every now and then with my best friend to escape from my hectic work life. I am twenty one years old and he is the same. He begant to put in my head that going out was wrong and that I party too much. Eventually started telling me that my friends were alcoholics and bad influences and were going to get me in trouble. Loving him dearly I agreed and stayed away from them. Now we live together things have gotten much worse. If i don’t come home on time I am with a guy. He constantly disrespects me by calling me names and won’t let me have anytime without him. He always says I am untrustworthy. This is alot deeper and scarier.Advice???
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Written by Brittany about 9 months ago.
Get rid of him. Have you not noticed the pattern already? I have.
The longer you stay with him, the more possessive he will get. He already brainwashed you into thinking your friends are alcoholics. How fair is that? You need to break things off before things get worse.
You don’t want your son hearing or seeing a male influence acting like that, because he will grow up to think that is normal, and he might end up treating women like that.
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Written by t d about 9 months ago.
Get on the bus, Gus!
It can only get worse.
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Written by Tara S about 9 months ago.
Hello Ashley,
A possessive boyfriend means just what you said it means… he’s treating you like a possession. He wants to own you and control you. He baited his hook with charm and lovingkindness… and once you fell for the bait, he gotcha.
If he hasn’t already, it won’t be too long before he tells you what to wear, suggests what you should eat, won’t let you walk out the door without him, you must account for every penny you spend and he gets to approve or deny the purchases. He’s already made you divorce your friends and isolated you so that he’s probably the only person close to you besides your son.
Now he’s disrespecting you, calling you names, he refuses to trust you…
Do you REALLY need to see the handwriting on the wall?
I predict that if you don’t toe the line he draws, he will become physically abusive in addition to tearing you down emotionally. You see, if he can get YOU to believe you’re worthless, untrustworthy, a bad person, selfish… or any of the other things he’s likely to call you, then he will have his very own slave who’ll be afraid to breathe without his permission.
If that’s what you want… go for it. But it is not a kindness to allow him to teach your son that that abuse is what a real man does. AND… how long will it be before he starts the same behavior with the child? Is he yelling at him for the littlest things yet? That’s probably going to be the start of it. Then it will be followed by strict and iron discipline with inappropriate levels of punishment for the least infraction of the rules.
An abusive man is a man who needs counseling – preferably before he really hurts someone. If his bad behavior escalates, don’t wait until you have to call the police to peel him off of you or your boy.
Best wishes for a brighter future.
Tara
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