Am I being to hard on my son?

09/09/2011 admin 6 comments

I am going to be honest because I need advise and would appreciate serious responses.

I am a single mom and work hard. I’ve been sick with Cancer the past 3 yrs but am finally getting better. I have an 18 yr old daughter in college that does not speak to me.
My son is 14. He has seen a lot and I feel bad for both of them but I thought families were suppose to stick together, no matter what. I feel a little childish by saying that but I was raised old story and it is what it is.

I’ve spoiled them and I know it. I have realized this for the last couple year’s but was to sick to act on it and make changes that needed to be made. I was over whelmed with guilt and allowed to much to go on although they took advantage of my being sick.
Over the years we have went to counseling, church guidance, school counseling, etc…….
The only thing that works is if they want something. Things will go good until they get what they want and it’s back to the same old routine.

My son has learned most of this from by 18 yr old daughter. I finally gave up and let her go. Now my son thinks he can do the same. At lease that is what seem’s like is happening.

Today I had an epiphany and realized what she said was true but the other way around. I have always been right here for my kids and am the typical mom that love her children unconditionally. My epiphany was,”they gave up on me”.

What I ask is some opinions on what I should do. Should I hold my ground? Should I give in more? What change can be made to make us better as mother and son? I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face.
We all know there is not a handbook on this stuff but I live in fear I will lose my son as well.
He is not running around (yet), no drugs, no smoking, no alcohol. He attends church every week and is a good boy….so far.
I admit I am afraid because of what happened with my daughter. I take a lot of blame because I got sick and could not be a part of their lives like I once was. And of course I’m the adult and am suppose to set examples.

I’m getting very frusterated and he is to…….

For the Christian reader’s, please say a prayer for us.

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT being, hard

Comments

Written by haringmarumo about 8 months ago.

there comes a time when you have to let go and let them be. you dont really have to do a thing,just show them you love them. thats it, without judgment. whether they be good or bad or whether they are in church or not. just be accepting. and sometimes you dont always have to play the role of a parent. relax
Written by Syber4EveR about 8 months ago.

Well, this is really tough, cause i can see that you are a good mother,
and youve gone to Counselors and church guidance already.
For now, because he is still a good child, i think you should just always be there for him
when he needs you (which i know you are) but if you both have free time,
hang-out more, go out and have fun, if you can, then call your daughter,
even though its her fault, try to talk to her and apologize, invite her sometimes
so that you three will go out and have fun, catch up with the times
when you werent there for them.
Continue to be a good mother, Goodluck on this.

And yes, ill pray for your family.
Written by susieque about 8 months ago.

Dear Sister,
My own sister had leukemia, and I watched in that last year how the 3 children reacted differently.
Her kids did not have Jesus in their lives…well, He was there, but they did not seek His face!
The girl child, eldest, although grossly spoiled, did pick up the mantle of responsibility and took care of her mother, nursing her during the times she was not required to be at work.
The two boys however, 2 and 4 years younger than the girl, did not react well at all.
Neither boy would go in to be next to their mama when she was ill and in the bed. They would only stand at the doorway, and not look at her, just talk from the doorway. For Short times, minutes, no more.
They did not know how to deal with it, and were used to her always being there –

For you, for now, and for them, if you are at all in touch with anyone who can join you in prayer for
this situation, ask them to join you in this prayer also…if you know of anyone who operates in the spirit, or knows about spiritual warfare and casting out of spirits, then that would or could be a powerful connection for you , as well…..wish we were neighbors, and I’d come help you, too.
You will be in my prayers, Blessings to you, sister! <><
Written by sprintgirlracing about 8 months ago.

Personally, I think you are a great mother and you have your head on straight, but I think it is time you played hard ball with both your son and daughter. Stick to the fact that families stick together, through thick or thin. If they don’t want to love you and support you, then that is what they get in return. Remind them that you are the reason either of them are who they are today and that you wouldn’t mind a little support and love for the hard work and that it isn’t fair how they are treating you and it breaks your heart. Basically, put a guilt trip on them. They may be angry at first, but what you said will be on their mind… and you never know what could happen.
Written by SpaldingJag about 8 months ago.

…..Dear atscarla, when you started off with the “I’m going to be honest,” it kind of threw up red flags to me because a lot of people who say that aren’t very honest, especially car salesmen….hahaha, but I think you really are being honest. Look at it this way, sweetie, you have learned by experience what happens if you spoil a child, at least your daughter, so just take what you’ve learned and experienced and make sure it doesn’t happen with your son. I would caution you, however, not to go overboard with it. You can give in to him occasionally, okay? Don’t be overly strict, but be the good mom I think you can be and just be fair. I wish you the best, sincerely.
Written by norskeyenta2 about 8 months ago.

You mention that your Son goes to church. He is a good boy and I can’t figure out what is going on with you. Your Son is only 14 and it is your job to keep peace, and help him. It is your duty to get him the things he needs. Many times most of his problems started a long time ago. Get counseling from the Church he goes to. You mention your kids have seen a lot. Have they seen things that you have done and it is not good? One boy I know seen black feet sticking out of his Mothers bed. It devastated the boy so bad that to this day, he can not stand his Mother. Have you done bad things in front of your kids, or allowed them to see you in a horrible negative way ? If so, it is gonna take a long time to heal. I don’t know your complete truthful story, but there is always a reason. In time they might get over it and then again sometimes the wounds are too deep. Only you and God know that answer. I will Pray for you and for your Children. Hopefully in time they will get over it and appreciate you, no matter what. Good Luck.

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