Am I an alcoholic? Need advice from recovering or families of recovering…?

02/02/2011 admin 3 comments

Please before I start, only serious answers. I feel that I may need help and don’t need negative feedback.

I guess I’ll start by saying that I’ve been drinking since I was about 14. And when I say drinking, I mean drinking until I am drunk and beyond. Even though I am a small woman, I could easily down 6-8 shots and a 12 pack within a 6 hour period and make the stupid decision to drive myself home…thinking that I was ok. And I know that I could have killed innocent people and not only hurt other families but my own. I know how stupid that was and knew it every time I would wake up and wonder how I possibly made it home.

I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager and any medications my Dr. has prescribed to me has never helped. I have visited a counselor (my insurance said I had to visit her first and she would have to refer me to a psychiatrist if I needed it) and she said she felt I would be ok in life…which I don’t know how she determined with 3 – 1/2 hour visits. I feel useless, unloved and depressed about 99% of the time. Alcoholism runs in my father’s side of the family.

I have caused major problems between my husband and myself and missed out a lot on my daughter’s lives. I used the money my husband earned for us to pay bills to drink, causing us to lose our home and file bankruptcy. I was being selfish and stupid.

What I want to know is, how you are “diagnosed” as an alcoholic. My family and I both feel that I have a problem, in fact my health is starting to show effects. I have now been diagnosed with fatty liver. I have 4 daughter’s and our first son on the way, through the grace of God I have been able to remain sober through all of my pregnancies but everyday is a struggle. And as soon as I had my children, I was back at the bar standing in line for my drink. I’ve tried to tell myself and my family that I stay at home with the kids all week long so I deserve to enjoy myself on the weekend. When, in reality I’m hurting myself mentally, physically along with my family. I know it’s not the right choice to make but I feel like the alcohol has a hold on me that I can’t break.

What can I do to stop? I have 2 months until my baby is due and I’ve already been thinking about how that drink is going to taste. I don’t want to live my life this way. I want to be there for my children, sober.

Please help, any advice is appreciated.

QUESTIONS ABOUT SON'S ALCOHOLISM advice, alcoholic, families, from, need, recovering

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Written by flowerchild about 1 year ago.

I read up to your third sentence and didn’t need to read more, I think you do have a problem with alcohol.
I think you should go to an AA meeting (yes, it’s cliche, but it works.)
My dad has been sober for 15 years and still goes to his nightly meetings to help him. It’s tough, but it’s possible. Do it for your kids.
As for being “diagnosed”, well, I think just the fact that you wrote this and need to ask if you are is indicative enough. Being an alcoholic is merely that your drinking is prolonged and excessive, which I think you can clearly see that it is. You drink to get messed up, you don’t drink to just get a bit jovial and experience the range of tastes, etc. I know what it’s like, I had a problem with drinking just after I started when I was 17. I’ve stopped since, but I understand how hard it can be, in the depressive rut. I’m sorry hun. But treat this as you would any illness or disease, because that is what it is. You need a support network and some treatment, ASAP.
Written by Sarah about 1 year ago.

Wow Jeny. You made me cry. When I read your question, I couldn’t believe how much you sound just like me. I too battled depression since my teens, I began drinking at 14, I am a married mother and am also an alcoholic. The differences are I just gave birth to my fourth son (no daughters for me!), I was born in 1979 and today I am happy to be sober.

I can totally relate to everything you said- the “white- knuckling” through the pregnancies, the guilt over the selfishness and the pain you’ve caused, the “I deserve it” attitude, the desire to be better but still running back to it- everything that comes with the disease.

First, it seems to me that you already know that you are an alcoholic. You don’t need a clinical diagnosis to get help. Alcoholics Anonymous only requires that you have “a desire to stop drinking.” No dues, no fees, just that desire. If you are wanting to go to treatment, either in-patient or out-patient, as long as you are as honest with your therapist as you were here, I’m sure they will diagnose you as alcoholic and help you get into a treatment program. But, honestly, most rehabs are based on AA’s 12 steps anyways. You will only learn the same things that you will learn from working the program, and you learn that from the other alcoholics at the meetings. The sad fact is, there is no easy fix for alcoholism. There’s nothing that a psychiatrist can do to “fix” an alcoholic. It’s not an easy road to long term sobriety, but it is worth it.

In my experience, my depression has gotten better with working the program. I still have ups and downs, especially when my hormones are off right after having a baby, but I am able to get through things without medication or self-medicating now. I am learning to deal with life on life’s terms. I am not hopeless like I was for so long. I know that things will get better. (I’m not saying this is true for everyone, some do still need medication, but it’s true for me as well as others that I know.)

It’s good that you see a problem with your drinking and are ready to fix it. You deserve to be there for your kids. You deserve to be healthy in the body, mind and spirit. You deserve to be happy and sober. If you want to email me your location, I will be more than happy to get a meeting list for your area for you. Also, if you just need to talk, feel free to email me. You’re not alone. There are many who have been where you are who have been able to overcome their disease. You too can recover.

Good luck to you.
Written by Helen W. about 1 year ago.

If you want to stop drinking, you can, and you do not need to go to AA to do it. If you try AA and like it, then that’s fine; I just want you to know that AA is not the only path. In addition to “doing it on your own” (which is indeed possible, and in fact the most common path) there are numerous support groups besides AA and AA has never been shown to be superior to any of them or to the “do it yourself” method.

The reason I mention this is that when I quit drinking (almost 12 years ago now) I went to AA and found that it was not a good fit for me. Like you, I was depressed and had horrible self-esteem, and all I heard in AA was how I was a dishonest jerk and had to make lists of my character defects and pray to God that they be removed, or I would never get sober or would be a dry drunk if I did. In addition there were a lot of sexual predators and people telling me not to take my antidepressant meds (they said if I took them I was “not really sober”). They told me that I would never be able to stay sober without them, so I did some research and discovered that they were lying: most people who get sober do it without them. They just tell you that so that you won’t leave: it’s all brainwashing and fear-mongering.

In the end I left AA and found another group, SMART Recovery, which offers practical tools and doesn’t insult a person’s intelligence. I really recommend that you look it up and get a plan in place for after your baby is born, because if you are anything like me, you will really struggle then (I too stayed sober during my pregnancies but went right back to drinking afterwards).

Here’s the link and good luck to you:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/

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Am I an alcoholic? Need advice from recovering or families of recovering…?

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