Alcoholic MIL wants to bond with my boys and I say no!!?

31/10/2010 admin 10 comments

I married my husband just under a year ago, we had a baby in August…his mother wanted nothing to do with any of it until 2 weeks before my baby was born. The entire time I’ve been with my husband I have never met her, (her choice) She is a raging alcoholic, and a habitual liar. fast forward..against my better judgement I allowed her to come to my home to see her grandchildren for the first time like 2 weeks ago I told her DO NOT DRINK before coming my home she could at least respect that. Well, she was basically drunk off her A*&! She drinks and gets drunk daily. She totally ignored our 7 year old son while she was here and totally disrespected our home, family and acted as if our values mean crap. She also put down my husband and FIL in front of our 7 year old. We agree she’s not to be around them again since alcohol is more important and the boys are nothing but “show off trophies for her”. Are we wrong for wanting to keep her away? I say no, hubby says no…but she’s bitchin.
She was drunk my husbands entire life, and extremely abusive towards him. Even if I’m dying I wouldn’t call her to watch my babies. She made a mistake when she was here…more than what I wrote…she introduced herself as “donna” to my older son..so since that is what she said, both my boys will only know her as “donna” . My hubby hopes someday she would change, but after 30 years he finally realized it wasn’t going to happen even for grandkids!
All of you that have answered so far I TOTALLY LOVE YOU!!! She has already made the comment VERY clearly known that it’s her life and she will do as she pleases…I told her I agree it’s her life, but that if she’s going to be in the boys’ life that she can go without drinking for 2 hours…well I opened the flood gates of hell on that one! I’m so sticking to my guns. P.S. When she did come over that day…she brought nothing for my older son, just stuff for the baby (which my husband took it all back to the store) and she made a big fit about “old used toys” at her house that my older one could have…I think not! I’ll buy my son new ones… UGH I’m getting so pissed thinking about her! Thanks everyone…you’re great!!

QUESTIONS ABOUT SON'S ALCOHOLISM alcoholic, bond, boys, wants

Comments

Written by nena about 2 years ago.

Its you kid! YOU decide!
Written by nashkin12 about 2 years ago.

sucks for her. Guess she should have treated everyone better before she decided on a whim that this was what she wanted. and how mean to do to your older son.

I say good job! mil’s are difficult anyhow but an alchoholic one there is no room for that anywhere!
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Written by ❀Bugsey❀ about 2 years ago.

You are in the right ….. completely.

I have a similar situation going on.
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Written by Sarita'sMommy about 2 years ago.

NO!! if you both agree on this I don’t see the point of taking into account what she wants. She’s irresponsible, clearly has no self control and has big issues to work out. If she shows up drunk, was drunk through all her kids life I don’t see the point. She doesn’t deserve it, send her off. Your husband knows her better and he doesn’t want her near his children. That should do it.
Written by mystic_eye_cda about 2 years ago.

If she can’t stay sober she shouldn’t be around your kids.

If she can’t respect you (or at least pretend to) in front of your kids she shouldn’t be around your kids.

You aren’t being selfish you are PROTECTING your children.
Written by pamalalauren about 2 years ago.

You stick to your guns. Drunk grandparents are just plain harmful. Don’t worry about offending her or your husband. Your child deserves to be protected. You’re doing a great job!
Written by elbow17green about 2 years ago.

Don’t worry about her. She doesn’t. Just be firm and let her know that if she can clean up her act, you would be willing to let her into your lives, but as long as she can’t respect herself or others, you have to respect your children and protect them from bad influence.
Written by Amy B about 2 years ago.

Sucks to be her! She can just quit that bitchin’! You are absolutely right for keeping an alcoholic away from your kids. It will do more harm that good to allow her to be with your children. She does care more about the booze than family, and if she is going to let her life be that way…then there is very little you can do about it. Just know that your primary responsibility to your family is to keep them safe and happy. You sound like you know just what you are doing. Best of luck to you.
Written by It's Jackson's mommy! about 2 years ago.

Not at all. My father is the EXACT same way and I refused him to see my son ever. You never know what drug or alcohol he’ll be on the next time you see him. He STILL has never met my son and my son is now 13 weeks old. I plan on never bringing him around. I don’t want my son around a person like that and I’m you don’t either. I’ve gotten a lot of fights and bad words said to me through my dad’s side of the family, but I DON’T CARE. It’s my son, MY CHOICE. I do NOT want my son growing up around someone like that. If he wants to get serious, than he needs to stop drinking…and the same with your MIL. What kind of grandma is that to have? Better to not have one at all I say.
If she can’t quit her habit for one day to spend time with her grandkids, that’s her loss, her fault. Tell her she can stop bitching about it when she stops guzzling the bottle. Obviously the bottle is more important and she brought it upon herself. And if she did that all throughout her own son’s life…why would she stop now that she has grandkids?
Don’t feel bad and stick to your guns! You’re making the right decision.
Written by Nick about 2 years ago.

Eh… sounds familiar. My mother was extremely abusive to me and my brother when we were growing up, so much that social services got involved. Now I am married with twins, and she gets offended when we don’t let her babysit. Sorry, but I know how she gets when she’s mad. I understand you completely.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Alcoholic MIL wants to bond with my boys and I say no!!?

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