I have known my husband since I was 16, (now 36). We have been together 7 years and married 2. When we first got together, we were both going out partying and having a good time on the weekends, that I did not have my son. On the days that my son was home, I did not drink but he did. It got to where he was drinking everyday and would drink until he would pass out. He admits to being an alcoholic and knows he has a problem. We have been working on our marriage for the last two years, started going to church. It has been a rough road, with lies, him hiding bottles around the house and everywhere else he thought I wouldn’t look, and lies about pills (hydrocodone-lortabs). In general, I feel our marriage has been one big lie…. but I love him. I have tried in every way to be as supportive as I know to be. He lost his job, went back to school and has earned his degree all during this hell we have been going through. He is now unemployed and I am working as many hours as my job will let me.
He had quit drinking for about the past three – four months and last Friday, he told me he was tired of sitting at home and was going out whether I liked it or not and went to a party where he knew he was going to get drunk. I told him that if he went it was over. He went and did not come home until 1 a.m. (didn’t drive) doesn’t remember coming home, and of course is now very apologetic all over again and saying he wants help and all the same stuff he always has said everytime this has happened before. I am so tired of going through this and I said for better or worse in sickness and health, but my mental health cannot handle much more of this. I feel like I am the only person who cares in this marriage and I am the only person willing to do whatever it takes and he is taking me down a road of pure hell. He says he loves me but it’s hard to believe when he keeps doing the same thing over and over hurting me over and over and making me feel like I don’t matter over and over. Sooo tired!
He went to AA but quit going and would sit in a parking lot when he was supposed to be there and drink. I honestly think the only way he will ever do anything is if he is admitted into a rehab, but we have no money and no insurance on him for treatment.
My son is from a previous marriage, my mother is dead. As for my enabling him, I used to two years ago, but I have not drank or given him or “let” him drink since then. It is his choice and that is where the hiding the bottles came into play. I am taking care of my son in every way, I work and pay the bills and put food on the table. I am a good mother and would be a good wife, but I feel like I am missing the husband to be a good wife to. I know he loves me, I don’t doubt that, it’s just that the alcohol is loved more. Sad to say. I am not defending his behaviour and I understand this is an illness, but cancer patients (which was what my mother was before she died) get treatment, he should too, but how?!!
I feel helpless and lost. What else am I supposed to do?
Is there any treatment centers that treat people with no insurance? Where could he get help if he wanted to? I have checked on AlAnon and have been online meetings. There are only AA meetings in my area and that includes everyone Alcoholics and the families, I don’t want to be around the alcoholics, because I have come to the point of not feeling any sympathy for them… I can’t anymore.

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