7 months pregnant, and cut off contact with the alcoholic father, any advice? please…?

11/10/2010 admin 7 comments

I am seven months pregnant, and the father of my soon to be son is an alcoholic. So bad that two weeks ago he kicked down my front door and vandalized my apartment. we have been on and off threw my whole pregancy b/c every time i hope that we can be a family something awful happens due to his uncontrolled alcoholism.
well ever since that night he broke in(he went to jail for a few days) he has been sober, got on medicine, and signed up for AA starting next week. but i told him i needed to finally cut off contact for a while. After praying alot i felt like if he really was going to start the long battle of recovery he needed to do it alone, me trying to help clearly had not worked at all. On top of that the stress of the disease on me and my unborn baby was way to much…i was throwing up constantly from nerves. with the alcolosim brought alot of lies and mistreatment and emotional damage. But see I love the man he is so much under the disease, but his disease is unhealthy for me and this baby. If anyone has any advice please tell me. I am twenty and this is my first son.

QUESTIONS ABOUT SON'S ALCOHOLISM advice, alcoholic, contact, father., months, please., pregnant

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Written by Navy Wife waiting on Nov 2nd! about 2 years ago.

I believe that cutting off contact is for the best right now. He is a danger to you and your baby. Wait a month or so to contact him and see how his treatment is going.. If you feel hes trying and hes better than take it one day at a time. But if you keep talking to him then it might be harder for him to get on the right track because he knows youre still there, almost like youre forgiving him or what not… But if hes alone in the battle, it may push him to get better so youll come back to him. I know he needs support but.. I dont think it can be from you… If anything, maybe limit your contact with him to once a week to let him know how you are and his baby.
Written by Bossy about 2 years ago.

sometimes that diease is like a chapter in a book. once they finish that chapter sometimes they realize that was a bad chapeter and dont want to go back to it again. so hopefully its just a phase for him . its good that you cut him off. but you have to realize that he is the father of your unborn son. i would wait and see how his AA classes do for him 1st. oh don’t cut him off completely still stay in contact with him. but once he stay sober for a while he will realize what he has and clear his act up. but honey don’t stress out of it. continue to pray and god will help you through it. and i will also pray for you as well. may god bless you and your soon 2 be family
Written by Sky about 2 years ago.

Being in an abusive relationship while pregnant is not a good thing. Unless you’re sure this man is over all of it, completely without a speck of bad reaction by alcohol or if he quits, it’s best to keep your distance.
Written by DoLlY♥ GuRl about 2 years ago.

You did good girl first is your baby. you and your baby shouldnt be going through all this trauma if that man wants to change he will do it. giving eachother some time is good for both of you that way you guys will get all your feelings straight although i do reecommend you to not leave him completely because then his going to feel alone and no point in his rehab so just talk to him every once in a while tell him your glad for him and that you love him all your feelings maybe you guys can start from scratch without all the mistreating. good luck to you hope eveything gets better
Written by Mommy to 4 boys :) about 2 years ago.

Give him ONE chance to get a hold of this. If he doesn’t do it..that is it. No more chances. My 14 year old sons father is an alcoholic. I stayed with him too long. He couldn’t keep a job, spent all the money I made. We lost everything. He became abusive to me on top of it all. Now my son is exposed to him every other weekend and during the summer bc the courts wouldn’t allow me to get the visits supervised. The man drinks a half gallon of whiskey every other day. He was taken to the hospital with a .4 blood alcohol content. Once my son got hit in the head with a wiffle ball bat by one of his drunk buddies. My ex was too drunk to take him to the hospital, so the neighbor had to do it. All of this and the courts still wouldn’t allow the supervised visits. I say from experience to give him one shot, if he doesn’t take it and get better. Get rid of him and do it fast. Or you and your child will have a long hard life ahead of you. Children exposed to alcoholics, especially parents, have a higher rate of becoming alcoholics themselves. Don’t force him to be in your child’s life if he doesn’t wish to be. If he does, there won’t be much you can do. Don’t go after him for child support…just let him go. It will be better for you and your child in the long run. Your child deserves better.
Written by Texas RN about 2 years ago.

There is nothing wrong with loving the sinner but hating the sin… And there is absolutely nothing wrong with making him get clean and sober ON HIS OWN. It is your job as a mommy-to-be to make you and your child your first and only priority. You do not need to mother this man. He is an adult and he most definitely should have to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has gotten it together and is staying clean and sober ONCE he gets himself clean and sober. The birth of your baby together will be a time for him to try to lay a guilt trip on you, etc. (I’ve seen it a million time int he hospital when I worked in labor and delivery.) and you need to know he WILL try that road… so, you will need to be strong. Make him be responsible: financially for the baby and emotionally for you…becuase (even though alcoholism is a disease, it is NOT an excuse for him to terrorize you) you deserve to be treasured in every way. If he gets angry that you’re showing him tough love, then tell him to take his immature, self-serving, irresponsible a-s-s elsewhere because you can find a man who will be a wonderful father for your son somewhere in the future. Just because he donated the sperm, it doesn’t make him worthy of fatherhood, or respect. He needs to earn that…. His guilt over his actions should never be your problem. Guilt and anger are weapons used by selfish people. You need him to be the man you know he can be…and you deserve for him to work at it, and prove it to you. (I’m stepping off of my soap box now… lol) You take care of yourself. Best wishes!
Written by BoSox27 about 2 years ago.

I sincerely hope you pressed charges against him for breaking and entering and destruction of property. If not, you need to do it NOW. This is a matter of protecting both you and your unborn child. It is your responsibility to protect your baby, and that includes keeping him away from anyone dangerous – even if the person in question is his father. Get a restraining order against him, and stick to it. If he goes through a real treatment program (both for alcohol and anger management) and is able to stay clean for an extended period of time (at least six months, but preferably a year), then you can consider letting him have supervised visits. You should also consult a lawyer ASAP to start developing a plan to protect yourself and your child after he’s born.
This is really a sad situation. How terrible that what should be the happiest time of your life is being ruined by the person who should be celebrating the upcoming birth of your child with you. I wish you and your son all the best, and I hope your child’s father gets the help he needs. Congratulations on your soon – to – be son.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

7 months pregnant, and cut off contact with the alcoholic father, any advice? please…?

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