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Is my son an alcoholic? on Jul26 2009
Dear Stanton:
My son was charged with DWI in October (BAC somewhere around .14). He is a freshman away at college. He enrolled in alcohol classes through the college, which he says were a joke (they showed them a movie once a week for five weeks). His trial was dismissed because the arresting 
officer did not show up. In January, he moved off campus into a house with four other students. Well, in April, their house was raided by police and they were all charged with possession charges. The police found a small amount of marijuana and cocaine in the house. I knew my son was drinking and had experimented with drugs, which I told him I was totally against, but I know most college students experiment with drugs at one time or another. My son’s attorney suggested that he enroll in a more legitimate treatment program. He did and the counselor told him that he was an alcoholic. She told him he had to attend group counseling four times a week and attend two AA meetings a week for 20 weeks.
He has been very good about attending meetings including roller blading over two miles to the classes because his license was suspended. The problem is my son says that he does not feel that he is an alcoholic. Does he drink and sometimes abuse — yes, but does this mean he is an alcoholic or a typical college student. He had to miss the past 2 1/2 weeks of classes because we were on vacation. I received a phone call yesterday from the counselor (who my son says he has only spoken to three times over the past 2 months). She stated that my son is not making any progress because he admitted that he had drunk three times in the past two weeks. She said this is not acceptable and that she called his attorney and recommended that he postpone my son’s trial and that if he didn’t start doing what was required she was going to put him in an inpatient facility. She also stated that my son is very withdrawn in the group sessions. I told her that he is very, very shy and is extremely uncomfortable opening up in public.
Another thing that really has me upset is that I received their bill that they sent the insurance company and there are charges for drug tests that my son says were never done. They are charging $120.00 every day he goes and he is not even talking to a psychiatrist — it is a group of other patients with a moderator. I also noticed they had billed for sessions with the psychiatrist who my son says he has never seen. In fact, I asked in the very beginning that my son be seen by the psychiatrist because I thought he was depressed about everything that had just happened to him. She told me that was not possible because they could not get an accurate diagnosis if he is drinking. Well yesterday, all of sudden, she has him seeing the psychiatrist. I really think the insurance company may have told them they were not going to continue paying for sessions if he hasn’t been seen by a psychiatrist. I really feel that I and my son are being taken. He is really trying hard to get his life together and is trying to cooperate, but he is finding this process isn’t working for him; what should we do?
Carol
Dear Carol:
This is a typical story. Like it or not, your son’s behavior is not unusual for someone his age. This does not mean he isn’t abusing drugs or alcohol. But his story is a far cry from proving he is an alcoholic. Only, virtually everyone in a treatment program is judged to be an alcoholic (or alcohol or drug dependent). And these programs are rip-offs, where they charge you psychiatric prices for group sessions. But once you get in their clutches, they have you where they want you — they hold the penalties that will be imposed by the court over your head! Do look at our book, Resisting 12-step coercion, where we describe this system.
The easiest thing to do is to conform with the program requirements while he is there to get out from underneath this — otherwise, it can become a permanent part of his life. That is, while he can get over his substance abuse, he can never escape his diagnosis, treatment, labeling, and court supervision. Oh, and, from now on, he better figure out how to stay away from the police.
This story reminds me that many people feel that compelling people to enter treatment will be an improvement over putting them in — or threatening them with — prison. Some of these people say things like, "The penalties for drug use are worse than the consequences of the drug use itself." Your son may be an example of how treatment for drug use (and alcohol use — which is legal) can often be worse than a person’s use of these substances.
Best,
Stanton
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Stanton Peele has been investigating, thinking, and writing about addiction since 1969. His first bombshell book, “Love and Addiction”, appeared in 1975. Its experiential and environmental approach to addiction revolutionized thinking on the subject by indicating that addiction is not limited to narcotics, or to drugs at all, and that addiction is a pattern of behavior and experience which is best understood by examining an individual’s relationship with his/her world. This is a distinctly nonmedical approach. It views addiction as a general pattern of behavior that nearly everyone experiences in varying degrees at one time or another.
Driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs (driving while intoxicated, drunk driving, drinking and driving, drink-driving) or other drugs, is the act of operating a motor vehicle (and even a bicycle, boat, airplane or horse in selected jurisdictions) after having consumed alcohol, to the degree that mental and motor skills are impaired. It is a criminal offense in most countries around the world.
Some states now have two statutory offenses. The first is the traditional offense, variously called driving under the influence of alcohol (DUI), driving while intoxicated/impaired (DWI) or operating while intoxicated/impaired (OWI). The second and more recent is the so-called illegal per se offense of driving with a blood-alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.08% (previously 0.10%) or higher. The first offense requires proof of intoxication, although evidence of BAC is admissible as rebuttably presumptive evidence of that intoxication; the second requires only proof of BAC at the time of being in physical control of a motor vehicle. An accused may be convicted of both offenses, but may only be punished for one.
It is also a criminal offense in all states to drive a vehicle while under the influence of drugs DUID, or under the combined influence of alcohol and drugs; the drugs themselves need not be illegal, but can be prescription or even over-the-counter. In some states, the effects of some herbal remedies (such as Kava Kava extract) fall into this category. This offense requires evidence of impairment as a result of the drugs or drugs and alcohol, although some states have passed laws making driving with the mere presence of certain drugs a criminal offense. A number of states have expanded upon DUI laws to make operating a motor vehicle while impaired a punishable offense, which includes sleep deprived driving, among other things.
Some states also include a lesser charge of driving with a BAC of 0.05%; other states limit this offense to drivers under the age of 21. All states also now have zero tolerance laws: the license of anyone under 21 driving with a BAC of .01% or higher (.02% in some states) will be suspended.
The blood-alcohol limit for commercial drivers is 0.04%. Commercial drivers are also subject to stricter punishments for exceeding the blood-alcohol limit.
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I am worried about my son’s court ordered treatment. what can I demand more from my son’s treatment providers? on Jul26 2009
Stanton,
I may be wrong, but I think the place my son is in might not be one of the best. First of all, he’s there by court order so one can only hope for the best. Second, when my wife and I went to see him during visiting hours on Sunday, we were told that his visiting privilege had been cut. If the family unit is that important to recovery, that punishment makes no sense to me. What are your feelings?
Al
Well, Al, you don’t tell me enough to judge the program thoroughly, but I will say that you cannot trust adolescent substance abuse programs to operate in your and your child’s best interests. That is, you have an interest and an obligation to review his treatment and progress to your own satisfaction. Treatment centers often claim they are treating a disease medically. But in a medical setting where a member of your family is receiving treatment for any disease, you are allowed to visit, to question those providing the care, to inquire about prognosis, and to examine and monitor for yourself how your relative is doing.
Why is chemical dependence treatment different? It is a disease for insurance purposes, but follows none of the requirements of informed consent that are now legally established policy with regard to all regular medical treatment providers. You might ask, what are they afraid of?
Whether or not your son is in treatment because it was court-ordered, you must make an appointment to see the director of the treatment center, to ask to speak to those providing care, to find out what their diagnosis and treatment plan is, and to ask how he is progressing and what they feel his prognosis is. Is he in treatment indefinitely, or for a time period? How was this time period decided? You should ask the treatment provider to summarize this material in writing.
You should examine the material to see whether you feel it seems sensible and in your son’s best interests. You should consult with an additional provider (a family physician, a psychologist, a psychiatrist) that you have confidence in. If your feelings are bad, you should consult with an attorney.
You should certainly have asked why his visitation privileges were suspended and how this fits in with his treatment. Your wife should not have left without this information. Is this a prison or a care provider for someone who needs help? You do not sacrifice the love and concern of a parent when a person enters treatment. Rather, you need to operate with these things in a heightened state.
Best regards, Stanton
Stanton:
Thank you for your quick response. The answer to your question: "Is this a prison or a care provider for someone who needs help" is, I think a combination of both. After the visitation problem my son was upset and mouthing off. That night he went through a window and escaped. He refuses to go back and would prefer to go to jail. I only spent one night in jail and about 
three nights in a hospital, but I would chose hospital any day if I had the choice. With that information I believe it more closely resembles a prison than a health care facility.
Now the problem is my son faces escape charges if he doesn’t return to the hospital today. The past two years have been the worst of my life. I guess that’s why I’m bothering you. Sorry.
Al
Al:
Terrible things happen to us — often through the province of our families. Often these things are worse than they appear and can be remedied. To have the best chance to do so usually requires trying to think through the options carefully and rationally.
Well, I guess your son didn’t like hospital treatment! Can you intervene to find a treatment (as opposed to prison) alternative that is acceptable to both the state and your son?
My best wishes are with you, and if my few paltry ideas can help in any way, feel free to contact me!
Best, S
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Stanton Peele has been investigating, thinking, and writing about addiction since 1969. His first bombshell book, “Love and Addiction”, appeared in 1975. Its experiential and environmental approach to addiction revolutionized thinking on the subject by indicating that addiction is not limited to narcotics, or to drugs at all, and that addiction is a pattern of behavior and experience which is best understood by examining an individual’s relationship with his/her world. This is a distinctly nonmedical approach. It views addiction as a general pattern of behavior that nearly everyone experiences in varying degrees at one time or another.
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